Assasin Training 101
by Lunaramoon
Summary: After seeing a man killed on the street, Roxas is taken back to the headquarters for the most deadly team of assassins in the world, only to be told he has powers and four brothers, Roxas can't remember anything about a family, what will his new life hold for him? First fanfic ever, I apologize in advance. Yaoi, Akuroku, Cleon, Soriku, and Zemyx. Warnings: There will be sex.
1. Chapter 1

**_An: This is my first story, I hope it doesn't suck as much as I personally think it does (I think everything I do sucks, so just ignore me when I say things like this) It will be Yaoi, so if you don't like it, don't read it._**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Kingdom Hearts.**

Is this really happening? I ask myself as the man that was in front of me falls to the floor, dead. I swear he was living just moments ago. I look around frantically, what if I'm next? Something whizzes past my head and I swiftly fall to the floor. "Hey kid. Looks like I'm going to have to take you with me, can't afford someone reporting a dead man, now can I?" I see a flash of red and then everything went black.

I woke up in a completely white room, was I dead? No, I would have felt pain or something if I had been killed. I sat up and looked around the room, it was bland, it was just a plain white room with a few insignias, they looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place them. I stood up and walked to the door, it was locked. Figures, I sigh and jiggle the handle. The door burst open and I fell backwards, landing on my butt.

I hear the same voice from last night. "Someone is impatient. Now, get up and come with me." He grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet, I finally get a good look at him, he was tall, with vibrant red hair, and acid green eyes and was very lanky, with a slim but well toned body. "What are you staring at short stuff?" I glare up at him. "I am not short, you're just freakishly tall." I retort back, he just shrugs and continues dragging me down the hallway, guess what color it was, yes, it was white. We finally stop in front of a large door. "My bosses are in here, they thinks we may be able train you to be one of us, since we already have 3 members that look kind of like you, well, one of them looks exactly like you, but we'll discuss that later, now get in there and impress them." He tells me, and then leaves.

I stand at the door awkwardly, not knowing if I should open it or not. I touch the handle and the door opens by itself, I jump back a bit until I hear a voice beckon me inside. Hesitantly I step inside and the door then shuts behind me, well, there goes my last chance to escape. I see three men standing in the room, one tall, with dark skin, long silver hair, and piercing yellow eyes, the man was clad in a black robe, much like the red haired man that brought me here. Another was tall with brown hair going just past his ears, and blue eyes, he was wearing a bomber jacket with a white shirt beneath it, black pants, boots, and gloves. The last man was medium height, with spiked blonde hair, much like my own, and ice blue eyes, he was clad in a sleeveless black shirt, black pants, and boots, he had straps over his chest and badge with what appeared to be a wolf on one of the straps.

All three of the men stared at me, their eyes hard with concentration and judgment. I looked around nervously, unconsciously wrapping my arms around myself. They all smirked and then introduced themselves. The silver haired man spoke first, "Hello, my name is Xemnas, one of the leaders of Kingdom XIII." The brunette spoke next, "My name is Squall, but call me Leon, I'm also one of the leaders to Organization XIII." The blonde was last, "I'm Cloud, and I'm the third and final leader to Organization XIII." It was then that I realized just exactly where I was, I was in the headquarters to the most dangerous group of assassins in the world. What they wanted me for, I had no idea.

I shook my head, and saw the expectant looks on their faces, well here goes nothing, "I'm Roxas Strife." The blonde's head snapped up. "Well Roxas, it appears that our deductions were correct, you currently have 4 brothers here." I looked up confused, "I don't have any brothers, I'm an only chi-" He cut me off, "Roxas, I'm Cloud Strife, your three other brothers are here as well, Ventus, Sora, and Vanitas."

While the names did seem familiar, I couldn't place them. "I never remember having any brothers', I grew up as an only child." Cloud looked torn, but quickly replaced it with a smile, "You'll remember soon enough, now, describe the man that brought you to us." I took a moment to ponder the question and my answer, "Well, he had bright red hair, he was tall, and he seemed like an asshole."

The sliver haired man chuckled, "Sounds like Axel, well, now that we've met you, 6e're going to return you to your chambers, you can meet everyone tomorrow." With that I blacked out again, just how do they do that? Is it magic? I woke up in my room, still as bland as ever, only all of my stuff from my apartment had been moved into it. Well, this has been my day, I never fully introduced myself, I'm Roxas Strife, I have blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and I don't take crap from anyone, now that we've gotten that over with, I guess it's time for bed, I'm apparently meeting new people tomorrow, oh joy. I collapsed onto my bed and drifted off to sleep.

Rude awakenings were never something I got used to, so when I was tossed from my bed and onto the floor, it angered my greatly. I immediately attacked the offender, pinning them to the floor snarling, they just chuckled. "Watch it short stuff, you'll just end up hurt." I growled and kicked the red head, I think his name was Axel, in less than two seconds I was pinned against the wall, and chakram pressed up against my throat, I just continued growling.

"I suggest you be careful blondie, one slip and your head is clean off, got it?" I just glared and grunted in response, he put me down and shoved me out the door, I was a mess, but not like I had to be professional on my first day. We walked into the room, it looked like a common room, filled with things for entertainment, I could hear many different voices, and as soon as I walked into the room, all eyes were on me. I lifted my hand and waved, "Um, hi?" I could already tell my day was going to be interesting.


	2. Chapter 2

_**An: Thank you for the review! I'm just not really used to using fanfiction yet ^^;**_

_****_**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Kingdom Hearts**

Some of the stares were friendly, others ice cold glares, and some just seemed uninterested. I stood there awkwardly as Axel introduced me, I spaced out a bit, till I noticed a hand in front of my face, "Heelloooo, earth to new kid."

I shook my head a bit and looked up, "Oh, sorry, spacing out a bit…" He laughed, "No worries, I'm Demyx! This is Zexion, and you've already met Axel." He motioned to himself and the other two. Demyx was tall, he had this weird blonde mullet mo-hawk thing, and was wearing a black coat like Axel. Zexion was about my height, he had slate gray eyes and hair, his hair was a fringe covering the right side of his face, he appeared to be engrossed in his large book.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Roxas." They all just nodded and walked back to their seats. Multiple people introduced themselves to me, how will I ever remember all of their names? As I tried to take in all of this new information, even quizzing myself on who was who, three other people walked up to me, one of them looked just like me, did I really have brothers? If so, why couldn't I remember?

"Hello! I'm Sora!" The brunette had his face right in mine, I could see his vibrant blue eyes, they were just like mine, the black haired man introduced himself next, "I'm Vanitas." He had golden eyes, and other than for eye and hair color looked exactly like Sora. The one that looked just like me introduced himself next, "I'm Ventus, and according to Cloud, you're our brother, is that right?"

I looked at him in awe, even his voice sounded like mine, "Oh, um, apparently we're related, I never remember having brothers." Sora and Ventus faces fell, Vanitas just looked bored. "I'm sorry, but I have no memory of brothers, I wish I did, because then I might now just what the hell is actually going on…"

They all looked at me, clearly not wanting to tell me. "You'll find out soon enough." They all said it in unison, it was a little bit creepy. All three of them left, going back to their respective group of friends, Sora was with Riku, Kairi, and Namine, at least I think those were their names. Vanitas was with Yazoo, Loz, and Kadaj, and Ventus was with Aqua and Terra.

I looked around for Axel, considering he was the only person I had actually talked to so far, when I spotted his bright red hair, I immediately made a bee line for him. His friends all looked up at me when I finally made it over to them, except for Zexion. He just continued to study his book. Axel patted the seat on the couch next to him, and I hesitantly sat down. I shifted uncomfortably under the gazes I was receiving, especially from the angry blonde girl, Larxene. Axel poked me in the stomach, clearly noticing my discomfort, "Is blondie shy?" He asked with a chuckle. I glared up at him, "No, but it's a little creepy to have strangers staring at you." Demyx looked slightly defeated at my choice of words. Larxene just grunted and looked away.

At that moment Leon came into the room, "Roxas, it's time for us to discover your abilities. Axel, you can come with, I know how much you enjoy this part." Axel smirked and grabbed my arm, dragging me away for the second time that morning. I sighed in defeat and let him drag me to what I assumed was the assessment room.

"Alright, we know you have power Roxas, just like the rest of us. Axel?" Said red head just nodded, and summoned flaming chakrams. I stared with my mouth hanging open, just how did he do that? Next thing I knew I was running for my life, with Axel chasing me, throwing the chakrams, and laughing like a mad man. I tripped, I was sure I was dead when Axel loomed over me.

I put my hands up in defense and I heard the clang of metal, I opened my eyes and gasped. In my hands were two keyblades. "I…How was I able to summon these? Can anyone explain this to me?" Leon just chuckled. "Roxas, you're special, just like the rest of us here, we all have weapons we can summon, with a certain attribute with them. I have power over darkness, and my weapon is a gunblade." Axel just smirked. "You can already tell what mine is."

I just laughed nervously, and stared at the two keys in my hands. "So, what are you gonna name them?" Axel questioned, his face two inches from my own, I blushed. "Oh, um, the black one will be Oblivion, and the white one will be Oathkeeper." I nodded to reassure myself of the names, and the keys disappeared. I stood up and shakily walked over to Leon, "So…what now?"

"We assign you to a team." He replied, never looking up from his clipboard, he was furiously writing down notes.

"A team? Missions?" This was all very new to me, it should be, and I should probably be flipping out right about now. I mean, I was basically kidnapped, told I had brothers, and powers, and that I was becoming an assassin, most people would be screaming their heads off right about now. I shrugged it off, and just decided to listen now, and worry later.

"He should join my team, we only have three people." Axel said nonchalantly. He wanted me on his team? Oh great, I can teased and nearly killed every day of my life.

Leon nodded, "That sounds like a great idea, show him to his new quarters, and help him move his things."

I was apparently also getting a new room. "New quarters? Will it hopefully be less white than my current room?" Axel laughed. "You'll be rooming with me, Zexion and Demyx share a room in the same wing as us, with a common room in the middle, all teams have their own wing in the castle." He replied, once again dragging me by my arm through the building. Life seemed pretty okay now, despite me having no idea how I got here, why, or if I'll ever actually find out what the hell is really going on. I guess for now I'll just settle in and hope my first mission isn't my last.


	3. Chapter 3

**_An: Thank you to all the readers so far! I hope you guys enjoy the new chapter, and as someone had suggested to me, I tried to make Roxas a bit more stubborn and demanding, let me know how I do._**

**__Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Kingdom Hearts.**

I knew from the moment I walked into my new quarters it was going to be hectic. Demyx came screaming out of his room, yelling something about dusks and bananas. Zexion just walked calmly out after him, trying to call him down. "But, but, they took the banana and shoved it u-" Demyx was cut off by Zexion, "Demyx, I don't think any of us want to hear, or picture what you're about to say, so I suggest you keep it to yourself, or if it's that much of a concern to you, just tell Xigbar." Demyx just pouted, "Zexy, you always ruin my fun." Zexion sighed and walked over to me, "I never properly introduced myself, I'm Zexion, also called The Cloaked Schemer, I have mastery over illusions and my weapon of choice is the Lexicon, as long as you don't annoy me we'll get along just fine, now if you'll excuse me, I have to go talk to Superior." With that he walked past Axel and I, and disappeared through a dark portal.

"Oh, since you're on our team, you're in Organization XIII now, we're like a branch to Kingdom XIII, Kingdom Storm is the other branch. On our side you wear this black cloak and can use the portal you just saw Zexion use." He pointed behind us, and then gestured in front of me. "This, is your new home, it's probably a lot to take in right now, considering all that happened in the span of two days." He rubbed the back of his neck and I sighed, "It has been a lot for me, and I honestly do have a lot of questions, but seeing as you're pretty much a dumbass, I doubt you know anything about my past or why I'm here in the first place." I picked up my luggage and went to the room I would be sharing with Axel.

"Axel, why is there only one bed?" I asked a little hesitantly, but really, could they not afford another bed or something? He walked into the room, "It's like this for everyone, Dem and Zexy share a bed, so do Larxene and Xion, and everyone else." I looked up, the look on his face told me I was giving the 'are you shitting me' look. "I'm being serious Roxy, we all share beds." My eye twitched, I hated being called Roxy, and I'm not exactly the best person to share a bed with. "Don't call me Roxy." I walked back down the hall and into our little kitchen in hopes of finding food.

"I don't know if we have any food, Zexion was the only responsible one up until now, he may not have gotten food yet." I sighed in defeat, closing the refrigerator door. "Well, seeing as I'm now the other responsible one, I'm going to get food." I walked down the hallway, halfway to the main common room I realized I had no idea where I was, or where the exit was. "Dammit, I should've asked Axel to go with me."

"Says the responsible one." He chuckled as he walked towards me, "Come on, I'll show you the way this time, but stay close, and don't make eye contact when we're outside, we don't live in the safest city, and a kid like you could easily get kidnapped, that and unless on missions, we aren't allowed to use our weapons or powers." I laughed, it's ironic that he says the city is dangerous when he could probably kill almost anyone with his bare hands.

We left the building and I then understood why he said it wasn't safe, there were hooded figures and and people carrying weapons everywhere. "Remember what I said." Axel whispered in my ear and pulled me close to him, he wrapped an arm around my waist so he didn't lose me in the crowded streets. I blushed, but didn't fight him, I knew it was for my own safety. When we finally reached a supermarket he let go of me. "Alright, let's go find food." He grabbed a cart and ran into the store, almost knocking over an older woman in the process, I ran after him, quickly dodging through the crowd. "Axel? Where are you?" I wandered around before I found him dumping golden oreos into the cart. "Oh, hey Roxy, just grabbing some food."

"I told you to stop calling me Roxy!" I snapped, "And what do you mean 'food'!? That isn't food, it's garbage! When I said to get food, I meant things we could cook, like vegetables, and pasta." He looked at me like I was some sort of alien, "Zexion is that you in an illusion of Roxas?" He grabbed my cheeks and pulled. I slapped his hands away and rubbed my cheeks. "That hurt you asshole..." I put all of the junk food he accumulated back onto the shelves, and pushed the cart to the produce section. "We're getting real food, no exceptions."

After our expedition for food, and me having to explain the different kinds of cheese and bread to Axel, we made our way back to the castle, once again he grabbed my waist and pulled me quickly through the streets. Once we were back at the castle and put away the food, I decided it was time for questions. "Axel, I have some questions for you, why is the castle in such a dangerous place? If even you guys as assassins need to hide?" Axel looked at me uneasily, almost as if he was unsure that he could tell me, "Roxas, it's not my place to tell you these things, and earlier you were wrong, I do know about your past, I'm the one that brought you here remember? I'm not allowed to tell you anything." He looked away and continued to pick at the dirt on his boots. "Well why not? Why can't you tell me anything? Don't I have a right to know who I really am? I know my name, and I know I supposedly have a family and these powers, but why? And why didn't I remember anything? It's been two days and I still don't have answers, I'm not the most patient person in the wor-" He cut me off, "Roxas, it's too dangerous to tell you right now, that's all I can tell you on the matter at this point, I'm sorry, but you have to deal with it for a little while longer." He stood up and walked to our room, leaving me to my thoughts.

Why can't I get an answer? Is it really that bad that they can't tell me? I sighed and sank into the couch, glaring at the wall in front of me, I wanted answers, my life changed dramatically over the course of only two days, and now it was finally setting in, I have no idea who I am.


	4. Chapter 4

_**An: I never expected anyone to read this story, I really didn't, so thank you to all my readers! **_

_****_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Kingdom Hearts.**

I woke up in the bed I shared with Axel. "How...? I remember falling asleep on the couch." I was interrupted by Axel, "I brought you in to bed when I saw you asleep on the couch, your first mission with us is today, so get in your cloak and make sure you eat." With that he left the room. I stared at the black cloak, so this is my first mission. I'm going into this without having an idea of what I've gotten into, I slip on a pair of shorts and a black shirt, sliding the black coat on over them. I slip on my black boots and walk into the kitchen to see Demyx and Axel drinking some coffee and eating bagels, for assassins, they seem just like normal people. Zexion walked out of his room with his hair sticking up in all directions and looking like a zombie. He makes a beeline for the coffee and chugs down a cup, sighing in relief, and then returning to his room.

I walk over to the coffee and pour a cup, retrieving a bagel from the fridge and putting it in the toaster. "Yo, Roxy, sleep okay last night? You look a little angry..." Demyx trailed off when I shot him a glare, I turned and got my bagel from the toaster, and quickly added creme cheese to it. I could see Axel looking at me from the corner of my eye, he looked almost guilty. He opened his mouth to say something but decided against it and returned to his coffee. I finished my bagel and coffee and went to the main common room.

Cloud was there holding a stack of papers. I walked over to him with my hood up, and took the paper he handed me. "Roxas, how are you faring with the others?" I just shrugged and walked away. I sat down on the couch and read over the mission objectives. Axel, Demyx, and a very tired looking Zexion walked in a minute later. I looked up and handed them the paper. We were supposed to infiltrate a major company and kill the CEO, he has apparently tried to men to kill some of our members. Zexion read the objectives and then we discussed our plan, Demyx and Axel would be used as a distraction to enter the building, while Zexion and I infiltrated the security room to cut off communications and disable the cameras. From then we would use Zexion's power of illusion to fool the employees and sneak past them into the CEO's office. Then we would kill the CEO. Zexion explained earlier that since I don't have any real control over my powers yet, that I should shadow him for this mission.I sighed and stood up, summoning a portal to walk through. The others followed behind, all pulling their hoods over their heads.

Slinking through the shadows, we found the building and went around to the back entrance, Zexion gave Axel and Demyx the cue and they broke through the door. Zexion and I waited till the muffled noises and clangs of metal stopped before we stepped through the door, Axel had rings of fire around his hands, and Demyx was still drowning a security guard, his head was inside a bubble of water, his hands finally went limp and Demyx let the man out of the water trap. Zexion immediately went to work, hacking into the security system and successfully disabling the cameras and all other traps in the building, "We're all set, it'll take a moment for me to set up the illusion, but once it's working, you will each have to hold onto me for it to affect you, understand?" We all nodded and silently waited for Zexion to create the illusion.

"Okay, it's up, now all of you grab on." We all grabbed onto his coat and walked with him. He was walking relatively slowly to keep his illusion up, I looked around, there were guards everywhere, it was a wonder that we managed to make it to the CEO's office without bumped by one of the guards. We jiggled the door handle on the door and realized it was locked, Demyx summoned some water and unlocked the door by shifting the tumblers in the lock. He gently pushed open the door with the water and we all flattened ourselves against the wall. Bullets shot out of the door, once the fire ceased, Axel shot fire into the room, the flames engulfing everything in their path.

We heard blood-curdling screams, there were thumps as men fell to the floor, a few more bullets flew out of the door, narrowly missing us. once the second round of fire stopped we entered the room. Demyx had put out the remaining fire, the only thing left was the charred remains of bodies and everything else that was in the room. The smell of burning hair and flesh filled our nostrils, I tried to prevent myself from gagging as we looked around the room. The CEO was in a large chair, behind what used to be a desk, he hair was completely burned off, the flash on is face almost completely gone, one of his eyes was missing, and the rest of his body was either bone, or burnt flesh. The damage was done, we quickly returned home via portal, to report in to Cloud.

We entered the main common room, we noticed people coming and going, receiving missions from either Cloud, Leon, or Xemnas, and then quickly leaving to complete their mission, or returning from their mission to report in and then call it a day. "So, did you complete your task?" Cloud asked, looking down at our objectives. We all nodded in response, "Nothing left except a few charred bodies." Axel responded with pride. Cloud just waved us of, muttering a quick good job to attend to the next person in need of his attention.

We made it down to our wing of the castle and into the small living room, Zexion collapsed from exhaustion. Demyx ran to his side and pulled Zexion to his feet, slinging an arm around his waist and pulling him to the couch. Axel grabbed my arm and yanked me towards our bedroom, "Demyx will take care of Zexion, but it's best to leave them alone." I silently allowed myself to be dragged away. "Axel? Is the something happens often?" He looked back at me, a confused look on his face. "I meant is it normal for Zexion to collapse after a mission?" He nodded, "It takes a lot for him to create illusions like the one he made today, it wears out his body as well as his mind, out of all of us he probably has to work the hardest out of all of us. Demyx and I can use our power for long periods of time before we start feeling tired."

I nodded in understanding, it made me wonder, what would my power be able to do? I had two keyblades, and according to Leon I also had power over light, but what could that do? I collapsed onto my side of the bed, I still had the smell of burning flesh in my nostrils. I shuddered, remembering all of those bodies, I had to do this on a daily basis? By the end of the week I'm probably going to end up with nightmares.

I stood up and slipped out of my coat, throwing it to the side of the bed. I walked to the bathroom, and closed the door behind me, I slipped out of my clothes and took a shower, being sure to cleanse my body, I wanted the smell gone, I wanted all of it off of me, I felt dirty, knowing I had just been a part of a murder. After I deemed myself clean I got out and wrapped a towel around my waist. My hair was already drying and returning to its usual spiky form. I returned to my room to find my pajamas, I noticed Axel was already in bed, I could hear his soft snores. I returned to the task at hand and slipped on my pajamas, just some sweatpants and a tank top, and slipped into bed next to Axel. I really didn't mind sharing a bed with him, I mean sure, it was a little weird that we had to, but it's not like he's molested me.

As I drifted in and out of consciousness, I felt a pair of arms sneak around my waist, pulling me close against the body behind me, I was too tired to care at the moment, I figured Axel was still sleeping and just hugged the closet thing. I heard Axel whisper in my ear, "Good night, Roxas." I closed my eyes and fell into a dreamless sleep, snuggling into the warmth behind me.


	5. Chapter 5

_**An: So, I decided that I'm going to update this every Wednesday, other than that, um, thanks for reading!**_

_****_**Dissclaimer: I don't own anything related to Kingdom Hearts.**

I woke up held to a body behind me, I couldn't remember anything past my shower last night. I groaned and tried to sit up, the arms around my waist tightened their grip on me. I struggled against the death grip and the body behind me moved, the arms released me and I scrambled out of the bed. "A-Axel?" His hair was disheveled and his eyes were only half open, "Huh? Roxas?" He looked around dazedly, I could already tell that he woke up slowly.

I sighed, "Why the hell did I wake up to you hugging me?" I tapped my foot against the floor, I don't recall allowing him to do that.

He tilted his head, "O-oh..." He stammered slightly, his face going red.

"You know what, just forget it, I'm still tired, and slightly angry, and I still feel gross from yesterday." I slid back into bed and turned my back to him.

"Gross? Oh, you mean from the mission." I felt him lie down on the bed.

I turned over to look at him, wouldn't hurt in trying to have a civil conversation with him, besides, maybe he can help me adjust to this 'new life'. "It's the first time I've killed someone Axel, I don't understand how you guys can do it everyday...I mean, don't you feel remorseful? Or guilty about it?" I looked up at him, looking for any sign of emotion.

"Roxas, there's one thing you need to understand, those of us that are here, most of us were raised to kill, from a very young age many of us had hard lives, we were forced to fight and kill for food and shelter, we ended up here when we discovered our powers." He sighed, a saddened look upon his face, "Roxas, I know you don't remember your past, and I know you're angry about it, and that you want answers, and I know I'm not your favorite person in the world because I can't tell you, but please listen to me when I say this. Everything will get straightened out, you'll remember your life, and you'll learn things you never knew, but until all these mysteries are solved, you have to deal with this."

He put his hand on my face, "After awhile, you don't feel anything, you don't feel guilt or sadness, you turn into a coldblooded killer. All of us here have, out in the field we're completely different, I don't know if you could even call us people, we're more like animals, but back at the castle we return to normal, we treat it like the mission never happened, it makes it easier for us to return to human nature that way." He removed his hand, and sighed.

"Axel...I don't think I can do that, I felt so disgusting when we came back from the mission, I don't have any of my memories from the past, the only ones are from the very moment I got here, but I'm not a killer, I'm human, like everyone else here. I have feelings, I feel guilt and remorse, I've never killed someone before, seeing all those burned bodies, just the memory of them gives me chills."

I wrapped my arms around myself, "I'm not going to make it here Axel, I can't use any of my powers on command, I don't remember anything, and I don't have what it takes to kill, whatever it is inside all of you, whatever it is that let's you kill without regret, it's not in me, and I already know it's not." Axel looked down at me, I could see the pain in his eyes.

"I know how you feel, you may not think that, but all of us here, something happened to all of us in our past that made us this way, you'll understand when everything finally falls into place, I promise." He reached out to hug me, but I flinched away, I didn't want any sympathy from him.

He couldn't possibly know what it's like, to be thrown into an unknown world, to not remember anything about your past, to suddenly be told you have unimaginable powers and capabilities, to be told you have to kill other people for a living, be told you have a family you've never heard of, to not even know who you are.

"No Axel, you don't know." With that I stood up and left the room, I walked into the kitchen and made coffee and some eggs. Demyx and Zexion came out a few minutes later, Demyx quietly getting some coffee and Zexion poured some water in a glass, quickly swallowing a few pills.

"Do we have a mission today?" I asked as I finished my breakfast.

"No, since we work as a team most of the time we usually get a mission once a week, ours are usually on a higher scale of difficulty than most. There will be times when we are required to go on solo missions, all of us have a particular set of skills, so occasionally we will get missions that require them." Zexion replied in his usual hushed tone.

I saw Axel come out of our room and into the kitchen, we made eye contact and I looked away, "I'm going to go talk to Leon to see if he can maybe get me started on training." With that I quickly left the room, leaving Axel and the others behind, but I didn't miss the dejected look on Axel's face.

"You just don't understand." I whispered to myself as I went to find Leon. Walking out into the main room I saw multiple people and teams leaving for their missions, after Leon finished with the last person in need of him, I walked over. "Leon? Is there a way...that we um, could train me to use my powers?"

He looked over at me and frowned, "I'm afraid not, it's a skill that develops on its own, many of us already knew how, and others mastered them by themselves, I'm sorry Roxas, when the time is right it will be revealed to you." He turned around and walked over to Cloud.

I went back to my wing and noticed that everyone was gone, I walked into my room and slammed the door, "I am so fucking tired of secrets!" I yelled angrily as I punched the wall, leaving a large hole. I sat down on the bed, feeling the tears well up in my eyes. "They won't tell me anything, they won't teach me anything, why am I even here then? Why do they need me if I can't even do anything?" I asked myself questions, finally letting the tears fall. "I don't know who I am, all I want to know is who I am! Why won't they tell me?" Sobs wracked my small frame, collapsing onto the bed and burying my head into the pillows, I cried even harder.

I had curled myself around the pillows, sobs and hiccups escaping my body. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me as I sobbed, they hugged me to their chest, whispering in my ear, "It's going to be okay. I promise, there's nothing to cry over." The words were repeated over and over, until I finally stopped crying. I looked up to see Axel, his eyes were closed as he held me to him.

"Roxas, Leon told me that I should tell you why you can't remember anything." My breath hitched, as I prepared for the news. "There was a scientist named Vexen, that had captured you and your brothers, he was doing experiments on all of you, that's one of the reasons you have powers. The day you lost your memory, there had been an explosion in the lab." He paused for a moment, thinking of what to say.

"Your brothers were in the lab before it happened, Cloud had made a bomb and planted it in the lab, but the scientist found it, and trapped all of you in there, while he was distracted by yelling at Cloud, you had managed to unlock the door. You had yelled at all of them to leave, and they did. You had tackled Vexen and shoved him into the blast as the bomb went off. As the bomb went off, it blasted you into the door, causing you to hit your head, successfully knocking you out." He stopped there, "This is all I can tell you, Leon said it may or may not bring back some of your memories."

I sat there in shock, I remember that, I remember telling four people to leave, their faces were a little fuzzy, but I remembered. "Axel, I remember...that specific moment in time, do you know if that man is dead?" I looked down at my lap, I was a lab experiment, nothing more.

He shook his head, "I'm afraid we don't know if he's dead or not, there was no trace of him. More importantly, do you remember anything else? Or just that specific moment?" I shook my head, I honestly only remembered that moment. I collapsed back into the pillows, I had finally gotten some information about myself, and while I knew there was a lot more, it was at least a start. "I'm going to go to bed Axel, I'll see you tomorrow." I turned over to face him and drifted off to sleep, maybe in the morning I'll remember more.


	6. Chapter 6

_**An: So this is chapter 6 for all of you~ I'm trying to make my chapters longer, so I hop you like it!**  
_

_****_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Kingdom Hearts.**

* * *

_The table was cold and hard, my limbs were strapped to the metal below me. I couldn't move my head, only my eyes. I saw the ghost of a smile on the doctors pale face, he brought a needle up to me._

_"Don't be afraid little Roxy, I won't hurt you." He brought the needle down to my arm, my breath quickening. I felt the needle being inserted into my skin, I resisted the urge to scream. _

_"Please, stop, please, no more..." I whimpered as he injected the fluid into my veins, my vision was dimming, the room looked like it was spinning, now just a blur of colors. My entire body was slowly going numb, I could no longer feel my toes, the numbness was creeping up my body, I couldn't move my legs if I tried. _

_"Just float away Roxas." I looked toward the voice, a sinister smile was plastered on his face. I tried to keep my eyes open, but to no avail. My eyes closed and I floated away._

* * *

"Roxas! Roxas wake up!" I woke up to Axel shaking me, Demyx and Zexion in the doorway. Once he realized I was awake, Axel stopped shaking me. "Roxas, are you alright? You were screaming..." I looked down at myself, I was shaking, and covered in sweat.

"I just had a nightmare, I'm fine now." I lied back down, covering my face with my arms.

"Do you need some water?" Demyx asked tentatively from the door.

"Yea, but I can get that myself." I sat up and tried to get out of bed, only to have my legs collapse underneath me. Axel rushed to my side, wrapped one arm around my waist and pulled me up, helping me to the kitchen.

"Something tells me that was more than an ordinary nightmare." I looked down at my feet.

"It was a memory...He..He was performing an experiment.." I felt myself stop moving, my breath caught in my throat. My entire body started shaking, I felt Axel pull me down to the floor before I collapsed. "I don't know what he was doing, he injected me with something, my body went numb, he told me to just float away, I couldn't stop myself, I tried not to close my eyes, but I just couldn't stay awake." Axel hugged my shaking form to him.

"It's okay Roxas, he's not here to hurt you anymore." Axel whispered into my ear. "Demyx, get a glass of water please. Zexion, tomorrow I'm going to take Roxas to Leon to see if we can get him something to help him sleep, I know he needs his memories, but not like this." Demyx rushed off to the kitchen and Zexion nodded.

"If I may make a suggestion, talk to Ventus, Sora, and Vanitas about Roxas. Ventus and Vanitas are twins, just like Sora and Roxas. They may be able to connect better with him than anyone else." Axel nodded. He picked me up and carried me over to the kitchen and placed me on the counter.

"Here you go Roxas." Demyx handed me a glass, I took it into my shaking hands and drank. It felt refreshing, but it burned a little going down my throat. Axel took the empty glass from me and put it on the counter.

"You think you'll be able to fall asleep again?" Axel asked, he was leaning on the counter next to me.

"I think I'll be okay now, I'm sorry for worrying all of you." They all just snorted. "Don't worry about it, we're your friends. Friends do things like this for each other."

I looked around at everyone and smiled a little. I think it was the first time I had even a hint of a smile on my face for the whole time I've been here. I hopped off the counter and walked with Axel back to our room. Once I crawled back into bed I fell back into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

"Do you think Roxas is going to be alright Zexy?" Demyx questioned, he wanted his new friend to get his memories back, but not from nightmares.

"I think Roxas will be fine, it will take awhile before we find out what he's really like though. He has no memories of who he was, for now he's just a shell." Zexion sighed, "I can tell that he's having a hard time dealing with this, I don't know if it's just my abilities, but every time I look at him, I can see it in his eyes. He doesn't know how to handle all of this."

"We have to help him somehow, I mean, just look at his brothers! Even Vanitas seems put off by this. Cloud too." Demyx looked over at his friend, "I think it hurts me the most though..." Zexion grabbed Demyx's hand.

"I know it does, but you can't tell him any of your past just yet, and you have to promise me that Seifer and Naminé won't either. That information could cause a mental breakdown, and not just for Roxas." Demyx could tell Zexion was gravely serious, he knew the information would hurt his friend even more, but it was killing him that he couldn't tell anyone, perhaps when Roxas gets his memory back completely he could tell the others along with him.

"I know Zexy, I know..." He squeezed Zexion's hand and turned over to go to bed. "I'll see you tomorrow"

With that the pair fell into a restless sleep.

* * *

I woke up with a groan, my head hurt like no tomorrow. I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, blinking slowly. I put a hand on my forehead and collapse back onto the pillows, accidently smacking Axel with my other arm.

"What the hell was that for!?" Axel looks over, clearly not pleased with being awoken so rudely. "Oh, it was just you, I though Demyx was trying to attack me in my sleep again..." He laid back down. "I'm taking you to Leon today."

"Wha-why?" I stammered, why did I need to see Leon? Not like he was going to tell me anything!

"About the nightmares, considering the one you had last night was also a memory we need to talk to him about it, I was thinking we could ask him for a sleep aide, it's not healthy to have nightmares all the time." He was looking at the ceiling, he looked almost sad, as if he was remembering something.

"Axel, you used to have nightmares didn't you." His head snapped over to me, his gaze softened.

"Yea, I did, but I'm not going to worry about me right now, come on, let's take you to Leon." He stood up, slipping on a shirt and a pair of slippers.

"We're going in our pajamas?" I ask, looking around for my shirt.

"Yea, Leon won't care, we don't have work today. It's not his job to babysit us." Axel responds while slipping his hair into a ponytail.

I slip my shirt over my head and find a pair of shoes, slipping those on over my feet.

"Did anyone tell you that when you wake up, you always look like you just had sex?" I stop tying my shoelaces and look over at him.

"What the hell do you mean by that!?" I snap at him.

"Your hair, you know the after sex hair that people get? You always looks like that when you wake up." I growl, making the attempt to fix my hair. "It's useless to try and fix it right now, just hurry up and finish putting on your shoes, I'll be in the kitchen." He walks out of the room, leaving me grumbling to myself about my hair. I do not have after sex hair, how the hell would he know what that looks like, he can't be that much older than me!

"Let's go." I grumbled, walking right past Axel and down the hallway.

"You're just mad because I insulted your hair." He teased, so what if I was, I liked my hair.

"So what if I am?" I growled.

"Aww, is little Roxy angry?" Axel teased, I glared at him. He laughed, he had such an infectious laugh, it wasn't too deep, or too loud, but I wanted to hear it all the time. I laughed a little too, how could I not?

"No, but I do not have after sex hair, I have beautiful hair, there is a difference." He just waved his hands.

"Whatever floats your boat." He said dismissively.

* * *

"Leon's office is down this way." Axel put a hand on my shoulder to guide me through the halls, I had no idea where we were going after all. "Well, here it is." He gestured to the door in front of us, it was quite plain, but at least it was black in stead of white. He opened the door and we both walked in. "Yo, Leon! Roxy and I have something we need to talk to you about!" Axel calmly walked into the room, it was the size a normal office would be, there were a few pictures on the wall, but that was about it.

"Oh, hello, what is it that you two need?" Leon walked out from behind his desk. I shifted uncomfortably in my spot, Axel noticed my distress and spoke for me.

"Roxas had a nightmare last night, it was a memory of an experiment performed on him." I felt Axel squeeze my shoulder gently, while I felt childish about this whole thing, it was comforting to know he supported me.

"Roxas, would you please tell me what happened in the dream?" Leon looked at me, there was no smile on his face, I couldn't see any emotion actually. I swallowed, "I was strapped to a table, completely unable to move, h-he had a syringe, and put it in my arm, he injected me with s-some sort of fluid, my body started going numb, and I started to get really tired. He told me to just float away, and I tried not to fall asleep, I tried not to, but I did, and then I awoke to Axel and the others." My body was shaking again, Axel's hand had moved to my back as I told Leon my nightmare.

"We came here wondering if we could get some sort of sleep aide for him, I know it's important for him to get his memories back, but not like this." Axel gave Leon a pleading look.

Leon sighed, "I suppose I can give you something that will help him sleep, it should stop the nightmares." He grabbed a bottle from inside his desk, "Roxas, I'm going to have a talk with Zexion, he may be able to use his illusions to help you recover your lost memories, it will be painful, as well as physically and emotionally taxing on the both of you, but it's the only way we can retrieve them without the nightmares. Or having your brothers explain it to you."

* * *

I took the bottle from Leon, and nodded, I know it won't be easy, but I don't want to worry my friends anymore, and I want to know my past, I want to know who I am. I walk away with Axel right by my side.

"Well, at least we know you'll be able to sleep peacefully now." Axel took his hand off my back and put his hands behind his head.

"I'm sorry for worrying all of you..." I played with the bottle in my hands.

I felt Axel turn me around, "Roxas, you don't have anything to be sorry for, it isn't your fault that you lost your memory, you saved all of your brothers, no matter what happens we're all going to be here for you, I promise. We care about you, even Zexion, he just has a little trouble showing his emotions to other people."

"Why do you even care? What am I to any of you?" I whispered. Axel pulled me close to him, I could feel his breath against my ear.

"Roxas...Roxas, listen to me, from the day I first saw you, wandering all alone on that street, I knew you were different, there's something special about you. I don't know what it is about you, but it drives me crazy. I'm worried about you, and I want to help you. We all do, but me more than anyone. I really care about you Roxas, I know we haven't known each other for that long, but I want to help you." Axel whispered, I felt him move, and his forehead was soon pressed against my own, "I'm going to help you get your memory back." His eyes were burning into mine, I could feel the passion radiating from them.

"I...Thank you, Axel." Next thing I knew Axel was giving me a piggyback ride. "Hey, what's this for?"

"You seemed tired, let's get you back to the room so you can take one of the pills and go to bed, I think it's time you had a real good night sleep." I rested my head against his back and played with his hair, it was surprisingly soft. Axel put me down once we made it back to the room, he got a glass of water and handed me one pill. "Take this, then head off to bed, I'll be there in a few minutes."

I nodded and swallowed the pill, walking into our room. I changed into a different pair of pajamas and slipped into bed, I snuggled into the blankets and pillows. I could already feel myself slowly falling asleep. I heard the door shut and felt someone slip into bed beside me. Axel wrapped his arms around my waist and turned me around to face him. I smiled lightly, and moved closer to him.

"Good night Roxas." I felt Axel put his chin on my head. I mumbled a good night before I fell into a dreamless sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

_**An: Here's chapter 7! And updated on Wednesday, like I promised~**_

_****_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Kingdom Hearts.**

* * *

I woke up feeling refreshed for the first time in days, I went to stretch, but I couldn't move my arms. I blushed when I realized it was because Axel was hugging me.

"So sleeping beauty is finally awake?" I felt Axel chuckle, and I blushed harder.

"Who are you calling sleeping beauty, you're the one that spends twenty minute every morning on his hair." I retorted, he just laughed again.

"Only because I don't want to look like I just had sex, unlike you." I glared at him, my hair looked fine!

"How would you know what after sex hair looks like? You can't be that much older than me!" I sat up and crossed my arms.

"Kid, I'm twenty two, you look barely sixteen." Axel sat up next to me, ruffling my hair.

"I'm eighteen thank you very much, Leon said I was." I glared up at him and stuck my tongue out.

"You trust Leon with everything he says? Pft, he was probably just tricking you." He leaned back on his arms, staring up at the ceiling. "I bet he never told you he was dating Cloud." I choked on my own spit.

"He's dating Cloud?! He never told me that! Cloud never told me that either!" I put my hands into a fist. "I may not remember him really well, but I'm still his brother, he's supposed to tell me things like this! Are the others keeping secrets from me too?" I questioned, looking up at Axel sadly.

"I should probably tell you, considering you look like a kicked puppy. Yes, they are. Sora and Riku are dating, Ventus and Terra are dating, and I believe Vanitas and Vincent are together. And you know, I'm not really sure, but I think something is going on between Demyx and Zexion." Axel got lost in thought, contemplating their two best friends, and his idea of a secret love.

"I just can't believe they didn't tell me, I feel like they've alienated me ever since I told them I didn't remember them." I sighed, standing up and walking to the door. "You coming? I'll make you some breakfast." I saw Axel bolt out of the bed, he picked me up and lifted me over his shoulder.

"Blondie is making breakfast!" He shouted out into the living room, fist pumping all the way to the kitchen. I heard a door slam open and saw Demyx race into the kitchen, Zexion came out behind him, looking tired and upset at the rude awakening.

"I said I'd make you breakfast! I never said it was for anyone else!" I yelled as he put me down.

"Sorry Rox, that's the rules, you offer to make one of us breakfast, you get all of us." Axel winked and moved to the small dining area.

"Assholes. I'm making pancakes, I don't care what you want, I want pancakes so I'm going to make them." I took out all the ingredients and set them on the counter. "Do we have an apron or anything so I don't get batter all over me?" I looked behind me to see Axel and Demyx laughing, Zexion had fallen asleep on the table.

"We have an apron, but you have to be naked if you want to wear it." The both winked at me and smiled a devilish smile. I blushed, I picked up my spatula and walked over to them.

"You are going to get me the apron, or I will slap you both with this spatula." I deadpanned, the just laughed.

"We don't really have an apron, you'll just have to cook in your boxers or something, besides, it's not like we're gonna rape you." Axel laughed loudly, waking Zexion.

"Axel, shut up or I swear I will not hesitate to kill you." Axel immediately shut up, closing his mouth in a feeble attempt to quiet his laughs. Demyx was failing miserably at it. Zexion turned to him next, a deathly glare was shot out at him and Demyx immediately went silent. "Much better, not if you don't mind I'll be going back to sleep, Roxas just continue making breakfast." He put his head back down on the table, I was about to tell him I wasn't here for manual labor, when I caught the rapidly shaking heads of Axel and Demyx, I shut my mouth and returned to the kitchen.

Once I was finished making the pancakes I placed the plate in the middle of the table, and grabbed the butter and syrup. I walked over to the table and saw Demyx waking up Zexion, Axel was already eating his pancakes so he didn't notice. Demyx had one hand on Zexion's shoulder, and he was whispering to him to gently wake him up. I saw the look in his eyes when Zexion woke up, it was the look that you would give to someone you loved. I smiled and shook my head, those two were going to get together, I just knew it.

"I made coffee too, if anyone wants it." Zexion blinked the sleep out of his eyes and went to go get a cup of coffee, he returned with one for him and one for Demyx. Axel finally looked up and smiled sheepishly at me, I sighed and walked over to the coffee pot pouring a cup for Axel and one for myself. "Here you go" I handed it to him and sat down.

"These are the best pancakes I've ever eaten." The three in front of me stated at the same time, they all stared at me. "How did you learn to cook this well?" I was bombarded with questions from them.

"I-I don't know...I just can I guess..." I looked down at my plate with half eaten food on it, I picked up my plate and put it by the sink. "I have a feeling that my mom taught me how to cook, I don't know why, but I have a feeling that's why I can." I put my hands on the counter. "Zexion, I think I'm ready."

He looked over at me. "If you're sure, I got your brothers to tell me everything so I can recreate everything, if you truly remember it you'll be able to feel everything, Pain included." He looked me in the eyes and I nodded. "Well, let's get started. Axel you will sit next to Roxas in case anything goes wrong with him, Demyx, you'll do the same for me." The two nodded in unison.

"Roxas, look into my eyes." I looked into his eyes and he put his hands on my face, his index fingers on my temples, I felt a shock go through my body and I felt myself falling into darkness.

Zexion removed his hands from the now unconscious Roxas, and folded them in his lap, he closed his eyes and his head dropped forward. The two were now locked inside Roxas's mind.

"Nothing will go wrong, nothing will go wrong." Axel repeated to himself as he played with Roxas's hair, the boy had fallen back into his lap when Zexion activated the trance.

"They'll be fine, Roxas seems to be a lot stronger than he looks." Demyx reassured from his spot on the floor, he was right next to Zexion, to catch him in case he fell over. "They'll be fine." He repeated to himself.

* * *

_I heard laughter from the stairs and I looked up to see a young Ventus run down the stairs. "Come on Roxas! Momma says she has a surprise for us!" He giggled running up to me and grabbing my hand. I looked around, this all felt strangely familiar. "Hurry up Roxas!"_

_I looked ahead and saw my twin at the door, the next thing I knew my mom walked in, she was beautiful, she had long brown hair, and was wearing a pink dress, she had deep blue eyes and a pink bow in her hair. "My boys! Where's Cloud? Your father and I have some wonderful news to share!" I noticed she was holding something in her arms. _

_"Momma what's that?" My voice was very high pitched and childish. I pointed to what she was holding._

_She smiled softly. "You'll see in a few minutes sweetie." She ruffled my hair._

_I felt a pang go through my chest, this was when she brought home Sora and Vanitas. This was the moment that I got two little brothers. I saw my dad walk through the door, he was tall with spiked black hair and vibrant blue eyes. He was holding another bundle, I smiled as I remembered their names. Aerith and Zack, those were my parents._

_"Say hello to Sora and Vanitas! Your new little brothers." My father announced with a large smile on his face._

_I saw the scene in front of me fade away, and soon I was in complete blackness again, I saw little pieces of memories they circled around me, and then stopped. I saw them replay in front of me, they were all memories of my family, times I spent with my brothers, and my parents. I saw them stop, and they started to circle around me yet again, they cam e closer and closer, and soon they engulfed me, I felt them start to pour into my mind, filling in all the blank spaces._

_ I cried out in pain, it felt like my head was going to explode. I froze, all the memories were filling in to their rightful places, I could remember everything up until I was fourteen. Then it was just a blank. As the last piece of my childhood fell into place, I collapsed. Everything once again fading away._

* * *

Axel was gently playing Roxas's hair, the boy was still unconscious in his lap, he could see his face move slightly with different emotions. He felt the blonde tense up and then let out a scream. He rubbed the boy's shoulders and continued to pet his hair, hoping that it may soothe the blonde. Roxas went limp again, his breathing evening out.

"I think Zexion is waking up." Demyx spoke from his seat on the floor. Sure enough there was a soft groan from Zexion, he slowly lifted his head up, a dazed look on his face. Demyx stood up in front of him and waved a hand in front of his face. "Come on Zexy, wake up." Demyx snapped his fingers in front of Zexion's face, quickly getting the boy's attention. "Come on Zexy, let's get you some medicine and into bed." The boy simply nodded, and let Demyx help him to the kitchen.

Axel felt the blonde in his lap stir, his eyes fluttering open. "Yo Roxas, how are you feeling?" Axel asked in a soft voice, he didn't want to be too loud.

"I remember...my brothers, my family, I remember them...I remember everything up until my fourteenth birthday, then it's all a blank...But I remember them, Ventus, Sora, Vanitas, Cloud, my parents..." I felt tears spring to my eyes, I could remember my family, I finally knew who I was, who everyone else was. A few tears escaped my eyes and down my cheeks.

I felt Axel wipe the tears away and lift me into a sitting position. "You okay? It must have been a pretty emotional experience." I nodded a few more tears leaking out of my eyes, I was happy, I could finally tell my brothers that I knew who they were, I could finally see Ventus smile again. I sniffled a bit and rubbed my nose. I looked up at Axel and he had a small smile on his face. "I'm glad you can remember your family, keep them close, okay?" I nodded again.

"Axel...Thank you..." He looked down at me and shook his head, and ruffled my hair.

"There's nothing to thank me for, I'm just doing what any friend would do." I felt arms curl around my waist and Axel rested his head on top of mine. "So, did you learn who taught you how to cook?" I smiled softly.

"Yea. My mom taught me how to cook, she was always out of the house early to work at her flower shop, and my dad was always gone for the electric company, he was a security guard. My mom taught me in her spare time, so I could cook for my brothers and I. I always made lunch for the four of us, Cloud was already out and working by the time my mom taught me." My smile grew wider as I replayed the memories, my mom always wore a pink apron, and the pink bow my father bought her on their first date when she was cooking. Her blue eyes were always filled with love and happiness.

"You seem to be a little happier now, after what happened today." Axel mused.

"I guess I feel happier, I mean, why wouldn't I? I can finally tell my brothers I remember them, I can finally see Ventus smile again. He was the innocent one out of the two of us, Sora was the baby of the family, and Vanitas was always the cynical one, and well, you know Cloud. My mom was very sweet, she wore a lot of pink, I think it was because my dad loved it when she wore pink. She always had a pink bow in her hair. My dad, he was interesting." I was smiling widely as I spoke about my family. "He was always happy, a little loud, but serious when he needed to be, he always told us to follow our dreams and to protect our honor." I had relaxed completely into Axel, letting his arms hug my waist.

"Sounds nice..." He trailed off, it sounded almost as if he was a little jealous. "Well...we should head off to bed, there's a mission tomorrow, and Demyx has already put Zexion to bed so he can get some rest, maybe after the mission you can talk to your brothers, and tell them you remember them now." Axel released me and waited for me to stand up. We walked back to our room together, our long day over. I was ready for whatever came next, I was going to make the most out of this, I still don't know why I'm here, but I know I'm not alone, so whatever it is that needs me to be here, I'll accept it. Enough of that for now though, tomorrow was going to be an eventful day, and I need my rest, but I know that I'll be smiling all through the night.


	8. Chapter 8

_**An: Guys I'm so sorry I didn't update Wednesday, I got grounded, but I'm ungrounded (well kinda) so, I give you this update, and it kinda ends with a cliffhanger, or well, people will probably be mad at me for ending it there (my best friend) But I'll continue it in chapter 9**_

_****_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Kingdom Hearts, nor do I support any kind of substance abuse or underage drinking.**

* * *

That night I crept into the main common room, I was hoping to just sit there and mull over the events of the day. I was sprawled over the large couch with one hand in my hair and the other on my stomach.

"Couldn't sleep?" I jumped at the voice behind me.

"Who? Oh, hi Ventus. No, I couldn't sleep." I sat up and patted the seat next to me, he seemed hesitant at first, but then sat next to me.

"So...why couldn't you sleep?" He prodded.

"I was just thinking about everything that happened today. I...I remember." I stated softly.

"Y-you remember? What do you remember? Everything? He asked quickly, he reached out and grabbed one of my hands.

"I remember everything up until our fourteenth birthday and the day you and our brothers escaped, after that it's all a blank..." I squeezed his hand, and he threw himself into my lap.

"I missed you. I missed you so much." He repeated the words over and over into my ear. I felt my heart clench, and my eyes grew hot with tears.

"Ven I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, for all the pain I've caused you and everyone else..." I hugged my brother close to me, a few tears escaping into his hair.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, it wasn't your fault, you were just trying to save us from...From that monster. I should be the one apologizing, I left you alone to deal with everything when you were brought here, I shouldn't have done that." I could feel his body tremble against mine, he wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his head in my chest. "I missed being able to do this, I missed having someone that knew what I was thinking just by looking at me, I missed having someone to play pranks with, I missed the only person that ever really understood me, who actually knew me through and through. I missed all of it." He hugged me tighter.

"I missed it too Ven, I missed it too." I pressed my face into his hair and breathed in his scent, he smelled like the autumn breeze, just how I remembered. We both fell asleep on the couch together, finally reunited.

* * *

"Where the hell did the brat go? He couldn't have left the castle, the alarms would have gone off." Axel trudged through the halls with Demyx and Zexion behind him. Axel stopped dead in his tracks when he got to the main common room. "Guys, be quiet and look." He pointed over to the couch. Demyx and Zexion looked over and saw Ven and Roxas, asleep on the couch, hugging each other.

"It's a little heartwarming to see them together like this, Roxas must have come out here last night and talked to Ventus." Zexion spoke softly from behind Axel.

"Hey Axel? Do you...ever miss your brother?" Demyx asked somberly. Axel frowned, he hadn't seen his brother in years, that was one of the reasons he was there, to look for Reno. Reno was the only thing that held Axel together for all those years, he always supported him, through their crimes, through the many escapes, up until he just left, Axel woke up one day, and Reno was gone, he left some money and some food, but no note or anything.

"I miss him all the time, he was the only person I could actually trust in our pathetic little world." Axel stared longingly at the twins in front of him, he was happy for Roxas, but he was envious too, he wanted to cuddle up to his brother like when he was a little kid, and listen to Reno tell stories again. Axel rubbed his temples, he couldn't think about this now, they had a mission today. "We have to wake Roxas, there's a mission today." Axel walked over to the couch. "I should get a picture of this first though." Axel took out his phone and snapped a picture of the two, he had to admit they did look adorable.

* * *

"Roxy wake up." I heard a voice softly calling me, I moaned softly, it was too early to wake up, I hugged the still sleeping Ventus to me and snuggled his hair. I heard a small chuckle. "We have a mission today Roxas, you have to wake up." I groaned and opened my eyes, only to see Axel's very own green eyes a few inches away from mine. I blushed and shut my eyes again, I heard Axel laugh. I felt Ventus stir and I looked down at him, he was rubbing at his eyes, slowly waking up.

"Did we fall asleep out here?" He asked mid yawn.

"Yea, you guys sure looked cute all cuddled up together." Demyx walked over to us, waving a phone in his hands, we both saw the picture and blushed.

"I'm not cute!" I protested. I wasn't cute, I may be short for my age, but that doesn't make me cute, I'm eighteen. I'm no longer cute.

Everyone burst out laughing, including Ven. "Of course you're cute, you look just like me!" Ven shouted from his spot in my lap. I blushed harder.

"I-I'm n-not cute..." I stuttered.

"Course you are, now come on, we have to depart for our mission in a few minutes, go grab your coat and let's go." Axel spoke from his seat on the floor. I lifted Ventus off me and dashed off to my room, quickly putting on the shoes and coat.

"Okay guys, I'm ready!" I yelled as I ran into the room. The three of them stood up and walked over to me.

"Now this time, you might get to fight something, your weapon is summoned if the wielder is in any danger, so if you can't summon it yourself yet, it will by itself, you just have to use it." Axel explained as we walked over to the portal. "Our mission is search and destroy, we're looking for a science journal, once we find it, the whole building is supposed to be flattened." A wicked grin came onto Axel's face. "I get to light that sucker on fire." I laughed and ran through the portal, behind Zexion and Demyx.

We walked into and old building, it was abandoned, or at least it appeared that way. There were medical instruments lying on the ground, they were broken and rusty, some looked like they had old blood on them. There was a pungent odor in the room we were currently in, it smelled of old rotting flesh. There were old beds, covered in blood against the walls, ripped sheets, and broken glass was with the medical tools on the floor. I looked at the ceiling, the lights flickered on and off, some of them didn't even work.

"Why would we need a medical journal from a place like this?" I asked, gagging as the smell filled my nose and mouth.

"There are others like us, a scientist that worked here before it was shut down did experiments on people like us, and before you ask, it was not Dr. Vexen. The man had research that may be valuable to us though, so we're here to look for it." Zexion explained as he walked toward a door, he opened it and a hallway was behind it. I heard maniacal laughter come from the hallway and the sound of footsteps.

"Demyx, Zexion, get behind me." Axel stated, quickly stepping in front of the two. "Roxas, let's see just how good you are with those keyblades." Axel gently pushed me to stand next to him. I stood at the door, waiting in fear for the thing we heard to appear. A laugh echoed through the halls again, and a figure appears in the middle of the hall.

"Come play with me!" The thing burst into another fit of giggles, it's head leaning all the way back. A crooked smile was plastered on its face. "Don't you want to play?" It asked, it's body twisting around like a snake. It collapsed to the floor, face down and convulsing. Suddenly it stopped, and it's head turned all the way around to face us. "Play with me!" It roared and leaped to it's feet, the head corrected itself and it launched itself at us. I saw a bright light and suddenly two keys were in my hands.

"Quick Roxas! Block!" Axel yelled from beside me, I held up my keyblades and the monster ran into them, I was pushed back a little, my eyes were squeezed shut. I smelled burning hair, and noticed that Axel had lit the creature on fire. "Nice one." He said as we watched the thing writhe on the ground.

"Wh-what was that thing?" I asked shakily, my words coming out barely over a whisper.

"One of the failed experiments." Zexion spoke from behind me, he was holding his lexicon. "There are probably more, we have to be careful, I don't think all of them will be this...happy, to let us know that they're here." He looked down and inspected the body, I could see him processing information.

"We better keep moving if that's the case." Axel walked up next to me as he spoke. "We don't want little Roxy's first real mission to get him hurt." I frowned as Axel teased me.

I pushed his shoulder. "Shut up, I can handle myself just fine thank you." He laughed as we walked into the hall. I noticed more blood stains on the floors and walls, there were scratch marks too. "It seems like this was a torture facility..." I trailed off seeing a big set of double doors. Scenes flashed in my mind, of my brothers being dragged behind them, screams and laughter echoed in my head, I pulled at my hair, my eyes closing as the painful memories shot through me. I sank to my knees. I felt a hand on my back and faint voices, but they were muffled. My thoughts were clouded and my head ached, flashes of needles and sharp instruments, the sick smile of the doctors. I could feel a scream begging to be released, but I forced it back, I had to be strong. I forced my eyes open and saw Axel kneeling in front of me, shaking me gently.

"Roxas, it's okay, I promise, he's gone, no one can hurt you again." Axel words were only loud enough for me to hear, I nodded gently and hesitantly stood up. I summoned my keyblades and walked to the door. I looked behind me and they all nodded, I pushed the door open. We were greeted by the smell of rotting flesh and torn up journals.

A small laugh echoed in the room, I lifted my keyblades, prepared to fight. A few of the bodies rose from the ground and ran at us. I heard Zexion chanting in some other language, it sounded like Latin. I swung my keyblades as the creatures ran passed me, I hit a few of them, successfully slicing them in half. I smelled burning hair and saw Axel cut through some of them with his flaming chakrams. Demyx was using his power of water to slice though them. The room fell silent when we finished off the last of the creatures.

"Looks like the journals were all destroyed before they shut down the facility." Zexion sighed as he walked further into the room. "It's no use to us now. Axel, it's your turn." I saw a smile appear on Axel's face, and a glint in his eyes.

"Aw yeah!" His chakrams disappeared and he summoned fire, I watched as it danced on his fingertips. "Zexion, summon the portal, we'll leave once I light this place up." Axel commanded his friend. He placed his hands out in front of him, and fire erupted from them, I could feel the heat as the room was consumed by the flames. His smile was even wider, and a crazy look was in his eyes.

"Come on Axel!" Demyx called from the mouth of the portal. He gestured for me to walk over, I saw Axel run over to us.

"Man that was fun." He put his hands behind his head and followed us into the portal.

* * *

"This so calls for a party, I mean, Rox has some memories back and everything!" Axel shouted.

"You're just using this as an excuse to get drunk!" Zexion countered.

Demyx and I were on the couch watching them shout at each other.

"Come on, it's been forever since we've had a party, I bet Marly and Larx will come over, we can invite everyone else too, we have the best parties." Axel whined.

"I've never experienced a large party before..." I spoke up from my spot, the three just looked at me with wide eyes.

"That settles it. We're having a party." Demyx said before he ran into the main common room and yelled about it. I heard a stampede of footsteps as the others all rushed into out living space.

"Party!" They all shouted.

"I'll get the drinks!" I heard Axel say. Drinks? As in alcohol? I've never had alcohol. I saw Ven run up to me.

"These guys throw the best parties, you're so lucky you room with them!" He yelled excitedly. "Axel is the king of parties, Demyx is the king of music, and Zexion can dance really well, he may not look like it, but he is a dancing machine." Ven droned on for awhile before spotting Axel and grabbing two beers from him. "Here, try one, it's not that bad." He downed the drink in one go, I simply looked at it and smelled it. The drink smelled vile, I gagged before downing the drink.

"This tastes terrible, what is it?!" I yelled in disgust, my throat was burning. Ven just laughed.

"It's beer, and since you've never had any alcohol, don't drink too much, or you'll get wasted and could end up doing something you'll regret." He scolded gently, before he grabbed another beer and left me to go find Terra.

"Yo Roxas, tried one yet?" Axel strolled up to me, obviously a little intoxicated, the music was blaring, I could tell it was Demyx singing on the coffee table, I think he was singing All Time Low, but I couldn't really tell.

"Yes Axel, I've tried this awful thing you call beer." I stated still disgusted by the drink I just had. Axel slipped an arm around my shoulders.

"Hey, why don't you get up there and sing some karaoke." Axel suggested. I sighed, I remember when I was little my brothers always told me to sing more, they thought I had this great voice or something.

"You're just full of great ideas." I deadpanned. Before I knew what was happening Axel was dragging me through all the people and towards Demyx. "Oh no, Iwas being sarcastic, I'm not actually going to si-" He put a finger on my lips to silence me.

"I'll sing if you do." He challenged, I couldn't say no to a challenge.

"Fine, hand me a mic." I stuck out my hand and Demyx handed me a microphone.

"What song are you gonna sing?" He asked, handing a bass to Marluxia, and drumsticks to Larxene.

"Chelsea, by the Summer Set." I said into the mic, I heard a few catcalls and spotted my brothers in the front, I stuck my tongue out at them as the music started.

_Let's take this back 2005  
Drinks are poured and girls so fine  
So many dimes got dollars signs  
And there she goes  
Right on the spot  
Gotta taste so sweet  
I swear this beat  
Will make you want to drop_

I started patting my hand against my leg, following the beat of the song.

_She wears a new dress everyday  
No she won't stop  
Makin' the crowd scream  
(I can't hear anything)  
But Hey (Hey)  
It's Miss L.A. Again, Again_

_Chelsea, Chelsea  
Tell me you love me  
Chelsea, Chelsea  
Are you feeling me now?  
Chelsea, Chelsea  
I think it's about time we get down, get down  
I want more_

I started to dance around the stage with the mic in my hands, I hear a few cheers from my brothers and the others in the room, I smile a little, still singing.

_I wrote her a song  
Not Delilah, not Kelsey  
Got them both in my palm  
But I'd drop them for Chelsea_

_Hey hey What'd you say_  
_You've been looking good today_  
_Lets go around town and tell_  
_Those girls that I'm taken_

I hear a few people start to sing with me, and my smile gets wider.

_Chelsea, Chelsea  
Tell me you love me  
Chelsea, Chelsea  
Are you feeling me now?  
Chelsea, Chelsea  
I think it's about time we get down, get down_

_If its worth your time_  
_I've got 10 digits_  
_I'd like you to find,_  
_But oh, I won't give that call-_  
_You've got so much to give_  
_I've got nothing at all_

_Chelsea, Chelsea tell me you love me  
Chelsea, Chelsea are you feeling me now?  
Chelsea, Chelsea, I think it's 'bout time we get down, get down  
(There's nothing stopping us now)  
Get down, get down  
I want more_

_Chelsea, Chelsea, tell me you love me_  
_Chelsea, Chelsea, are you feeling me now?_  
_Chelsea, Chelsea, I think it's 'bout time we get down, get down_  
_I want more_

I smile as I finish the song, and the crowd erupted into cheers.

"Hey man, I never knew you could sing!" Demyx comes up behind me, patting my back as I pant.

"Hey Axel! It's your turn, we had a deal remember?" I yell down at him. I saw a smirk appear on his face.

"I know we did Roxy." He climbed on the stage and the crowd erupted into cheers and catcalls. "You have to sing with me though." He pulled me back onto the table and handed me the mic. "Just follow my lead." He smirked and whispered something into Demyx's ear. I saw a large smile appear on his face and he nodded eagerly before running off to share the news with Marluxia and Larxene.

"You know, I never knew you guys had a band." I mused aloud.

"Well, we do, so get over it." Axel answered. "Although, we only perform at these parties, so we aren't really a band." He trailed off as he heard Demyx tuning his guitar. I heard the music start and Axel got ready to sing.

_Gravity  
Don't mean too much to me  
I'm who I've got to be  
These pigs are after me, after you  
Run away, like it was yesterday  
And we could run away, if we could run away  
Run away from here_

I heard him start and I smiled, seemed like we had a similar taste in music.

_I got a bulletproof heart  
You got a hollow-point smile  
Me and your runaway scars  
Got a photograph dream on the getaway mile_

Let's blow a hole in this town  
Too much talking with a laser beam  
Gunning out of this place in a bullet's embrace  
Then we'll do it again

_How can they say?_  
_"Jenny could you come back home?"_  
_Cause everybody knows you don't_  
_Ever wanna come back_  
_Let me be the one to save you_

I joined in and we sang together, both of us walking around on the coffee table.

_Gravity_  
_Don't mean too much to me_  
_I'm who I've got to be_  
_These pigs are after me, after you_  
_Run away, like it was yesterday_  
_When we could run away, when we could run away_  
_Run away from here_

I saw Demyx rocking out with his guitar behind us, I guess this is why the living room was so big, but I never noticed the musical instruments or equipment before.

_I'm shooting out of this room_  
_Because I sure don't like the company_  
_Stop your preaching right there_  
_Cause I really don't care_  
_And I'll do it again_

_So get me out of my head_  
_Cause it's getting kind of cramped you know_  
_Coming ready or not_  
_When the motor gets hot_  
_We can do it again_

The crowd started singing along with us, I could tell they had parties a lot.

_The papers say_  
_"Johnny won't you come back home?"_  
_Cause everybody knows you don't_  
_Want to give yourself then tell the truth_  
_And God will save you_

_Gravity_  
_Don't mean too much to me_  
_I'm who I've got to be_  
_These pigs are after me, after you_  
_Run away, like it was yesterday_  
_And we could run away, if we could run away_  
_Run away from here_

_And though I know how much you hate this_  
_Are you gonna be the one to save us_  
_From the black and hopeless feeling?_  
_Will you mean it when the end comes reeling?_

_Hold your heart into this darkness_  
_Will it ever be the light to shine you out_  
_Or fail and leave you stranded?_  
_I ain't gonna be the one left standing_  
_You ain't gonna be the one left standing_  
_We ain't gonna be the ones left standing_

It was getting near the end of the song and I could tell Axel was getting tired.

_Gravity_  
_Don't mean too much to me_  
_Is this our destiny?_  
_This world is after me, after you_  
_Run away, like it was yesterday_  
_And we could run away,_  
_Run away, run away_  
_Run away from here_

_Yeah_  
_Away from here_  
_Away from here_

We were both panting by the end of the song, we jumped off the table and Axel handed me a beer, leading me to the couch. I heard other people get on the stage and sing, I'm pretty sure I heard Ven and Sora, and possibly Vanitas, but I'm not sure, he was never really a social person.

"So, who knew little Roxy could sing." Axel teased, taking a drink of beer. I frowned and pushed him, taking a drink from my own beer.

"Yes, I can sing, have a problem with it?" I countered. He just laughed.

"Nah, just never expected someone so tiny to have such a powerful voice." I felt my eye twitch.

"I'm not tiny! How many times do I have to say that?!" I elbowed him in the ribs.

"But you are tiny, I just wanna pinch your cheeks and dress you up." He said in a teasing voice.

I blushed. "I'm n-not tiny..." I said in a small voice and downed my beer, quickly asking for another one.

Axel laughed. "How many of those have you had?" He asked in between his giggles.

"I really don't know...I think this is my third...I can't really remember" I said in disbelief, I really couldn't remember.

"Hmm, well whatever, just try not to get so drunk you don't remember anything in the morning." Axel said nonchalantly.

"Is this something that happens often?" I asked, looking at the beer in my hand.

"Well, we do have a lot of parties, we have alcohol, drunk singing, you know, it's just what we do." Axel said, downing yet another beer. "I've had at least six beers tonight." I could tell he was getting a little drunk, but at least he could remember how many he had. Truth is, I couldn't really tell what was going on, and I felt the urge to laugh, and I had no reason to.

"Axel...what does it feel like to be drunk?" I asked, my head felt a little heavy, to be honest I felt dumb.

"Well, you just feel kinda...stupid. That's really the only way to put it, some people feel really tired, and others get really happy, I tend to be overly clingy when I'm drunk, a few more beers and I probably won't know what's going on. You're probably feeling really drunk huh?" Axel said, I really was only paying attention for half of it. I started to giggle.

"Well, I might be drunk, I really have no idea what you just said." My words were a little slurred and I started laughing again.

"I'm gonna cut you off now." He took the beer from my hand and drank it. "We don't want little Roxy to do something he'll regret now do we." He teased.

"I'm not gonna do something stupid, you just want me to." I retorted, I could still think properly, well, kind of.

* * *

"Maybe I do want you to do something stupid. Never thought of that now did ya?" Axel licked his lips, he liked the small boy, he really did. He may have thought of the boy in perverted ways, but no one needed to know that. But how could he not? Roxas was perfect in his eyes, he was small, cute, had a fiery temper, it was everything Axel liked, and he couldn't help but think of having a drunk Roxas in his bed.

Axel shivered at the thought of Roxas, naked and panting, no, he couldn't do that now. He saw the boy blush at his comment and cursed inwardly. This was going to be a long night.


	9. Chapter 9

_**An: Okay, I'm trying to get back with a schedule, I'm really sorry guys, but anyway, chapter 9, whoo, okay so there's smut in this chapter, first time ever writing it, it's terrible, skip that part if you want, but there's important stuff in the beginning and just some funny things at the end, but anyway, just don't read the smut, it was a bad idea.**_

_****_**An: I don't own anything related to Kingdom Hearts, and I do not support underage drinking or any form of substance abuse.**

* * *

Axel was having a hard time not ravishing the blond in front of him, he had one too many beers and now really needed physical contact, he knew it wouldn't be okay with Roxas though. Roxas barely knew him, Axel sighed. Maybe he could get Demyx to be his fuck buddy for the night, wait, nope, Demyx was into Zexion.

"Axel, do you have any family?" Roxas question halted his thoughts, Reno was the only person Axel ever considered family, his mother was a whore, and his father led them into crime.

"My brother Reno is the only person I consider family, but I don't know if he's even alive." Axel confessed, Roxas probably wouldn't remember the conversation in the morning anyway. "Can we move into a more private room if you're gonna ask questions like this?" The blonde nodded and attempted to stand up, only to fall back onto the couch.

"A little help?" The boy's speech was slurred, and he was clearly in no condition to walk around, Axel sighed and picked him up, carrying him to their room. Once they reached the bedroom, he tossed Roxas on the bed and then sat next to him. "Why'd we needa go into a private room?" Roxas asked, his voice was muffled because he had shoved his head into the comforter.

"Not a lotta people know about my family, and I don't plan on telling them about it either." Axel answered laying his head on Roxas back.

Roxas lifted his head up. "Why are you telling me then?" The boy asked, his tone was innocent, but Axel knew he was curious to know about him, everyone was.

"I feel...I feel like I should trust you, and get to know you, that's why." He answered in a soft voice. "My family was...I can't really put it nicely, my mother was whore. My father was thief and a murderer, after I was born, he killed my mother. My older brother Reno is the only person I consider family. I was four when my mother was killed, my father cut her head off with the butcher knife, I was there, Reno was trying to hold me back, he was ten. After my father killed my mother he grabbed both of us by the hair and dragged us to the car, I don't remember where he said we were going, but we drove for hours, only stopping for gas and food every other day. He dragged Reno and I into crime, he made us steal from street vendors and take money and wallets out of people's pockets, he even had us take cell phones sometimes, then he started teaching us about guns, and knives, he taught us how to kill, how to steal, how to live on the street, and then he shot himself, right in front of us. He told us that we'll die on the streets, like our filthy whore of a mother should have." He took in a shaky breath, the only other people that knew about him, anything about him were Demyx and Zexion.

"Reno and I survived on our own for about three years, I was twelve and he was eighteen, that's when he learned about my powers, he never had them, it was just me, he said that I would light things on fire in my sleep, and that sometimes I'd burn him without even trying. He helped me learn to control it, and my chakrams too, he was there for me through everything, through the drugs and the alcohol addictions, he was there, and then he just left. The only person in this miserable world that actually loved me and he's gone, either dead or hoping to never be found. He was the only one that ever actually knew me, not even Demyx or Zexion really know me, they know my story, but not me, I'm not just a person with a sad story, I'm not just a pyromaniac that likes to drink and smoke, I'm so much more than that, and Reno was the only one who ever knew." He finished, gasping for breath, his vision was blurring as he could feel the tears roll down his face. "God, I must look like such a weakling right now." He gave an empty laugh, he felt Roxas move to his lap and his hand moved to Axel's face.

"I know you're not just a sad story, and you're not the events that happened, you're not a street rat, you're more than that, I may be drunk, and I may not fully remember this in the morning, but I care about you Axel, you're the first person that didn't treat me like a zombie when I got here, you weren't afraid to make fun of me, or talk to me, and I want to do the same, I want to know you, I want to share stories with you, to stay up late and do dumb things. I want to know the real Axel." Axel shut his eyes as he took in what Roxas just said to him, he felt a warm sensation on his lips and opened his eyes, Roxas was kissing him, he tasted like beer and cotton candy but he didn't mind. Axel shut his eyes and returned the kiss.

Axel placed his forehead on Roxas. "I want to know you too." He breathlessly replied. He saw Roxas smile, a real smile, not those small smiles that don't crease the corners of his eyes or raise his cheeks. It was real, it lit up his face and showed his shiny white teeth.

* * *

"You're the only person that's ever said that to me." I told Axel. "Most people think I'm the same as Ventus, they figure that because we look the same that we are, but it's not true. Ventus was always loving and happy, he never had a care in the world, he was never really serious, his grades were terrible when we were little. I was always the quiet one, the one that barely talked, the one that never really smiled, even my own family found it hard to get me to smile, I never really had a reason to be unhappy, I just was. All my brothers had something they were skilled at, Sora was good with sports, Vanitas was good with the arts, Ven could make friends with anyone, he could easily get a job with anything to do with people, and Cloud, he was skilled in mechanics. Me? I was good at singing and cooking, and my grades were good, but that's it, I wasn't special, so I was unnoticed. I guess it affected me a lot more than I originally thought." I sighed and started playing with the buttons on Axel's shirt, he wrapped his arms around me, one of them behind my head, the other on my back, he pulled me against his body.

"I don't care what you were in the past, I want to know you, every inch of you, your mind and your body." I blushed and he kissed me, he tasted like cinnamon and beer. We separated, and he leaned close to me. "By tomorrow morning, I will have your body memorized." He whispered into my ear, I shivered. "From every curve." He licked the shell of my ear and I gasped. "To every scar." He trailed a finger down my cheek. "To every sensitive spot." He bit down on my ear and I shuddered. "Every part of your body will be permanently etched into my mind."

* * *

Axel's hand crept under Roxas shirt a could feel the boy shudder and squirm with every movement. He smirked, Roxas was under his control now. He bit down on Roxas neck, hearing a small gasp come from the boy. He nibbled gently and felt the boys chest rumble as he let out a small moan. Axel left Roxas neck and returned to his lips, placing a hungry kiss on them. Roxas eagerly returned the kiss, he wanted more, his body felt too hot and his thoughts were clouded, all he could think about was Axel. Every touch and kiss made Roxas only want it more. He felt Axel's tongue invade his mouth, the tongue explored his mouth before retreating. Their mouths disconnected as Axel pull off his shirt, tugging at Roxas for him to take off his, the boy complied. Axel's hands traced Roxas chest, while his mouth returned to the blonde's.

Roxas felt Axel's hand wander over his chest, he felt nimble fingers tweak his nipples and he moaned, his hands moving to clench the sheets below him. Axel's mouth traveled to Roxas neck, sucking and nipping at his skin. Axel smirked as he heard another moan escape, the boy was delicious and he wanted more. He trailed his tongue down the boy's chest. Axel's mouth attached itself to one of the pink nubs and Roxas gasped. Axel bit down eliciting a whimper from the boy beneath him. "A-Axel" The boy stuttered out, his voice was already failing him and Axel hadn't even really started. Axel bit down once more just to hear Roxas moan before trailing kisses down his torso. Axel reached the button to Roxas pants, one of his hands went to open the button and undo his zipper, while the other palmed the younger through his jeans. Roxas let out a sharp gasp followed by a drawn out moan.

"Ax-Axel stop teasing." The boy whined, Axel chuckled.

"I'll stop teasing when you stop being so delicious." He responded, sliding off Roxas jeans. Axel kissed Roxas as he took off his own jeans, their tongues battling with each other, Roxas finally gave in, letting Axel control the kiss. Axel broke the kiss and looked down at Roxas. He was in his boxers, eyes half lidded and glazed over, his lips were swollen and he was panting slightly. "Oh god Roxas, I want you so badly." Axel spoke, his voice thick with lust.

"Then take me." Axel could feel his boxers tightening, this boy had no idea the effect he was having on him. Roxas could tell that Axel was having a hard time controlling himself, it only made it that much more fun to tease him. Roxas pulled down on one of Axel's spikes of hair, bringing him in for a kiss. "I'm getting impatient Axel." He breathed onto the other's lips. Roxas felt a hand sneak under his boxers and he gasped, grabbing Axel's shoulders.

"I thought you wanted this?" Axel teased. "You said you were getting impatient, you weren't lying to me were you?"

"N-no.." Roxas spoke through clenched teeth, Axel's hand was slowly stroking him, it was driving him crazy. Axel's hand sped up and Roxas gasped, his eyes squeezing shut. "A-Axel." Roxas moaned quietly.

"Be louder, I want to hear you say my name over and over again, no one can hear you over the party." Axel stopped his ministrations and took off the boy's boxers. Axel put three fingers in Roxas face. "Suck. I don't have any lube." They boy complied and took the fingers into his mouth, he swirled his tongue over every finger. Axel watched his tongue as it moved up and down each of his fingers and listened the quiet slurping noises Roxas made as he sucked on the fingers. Axel could feel some of the saliva dripping down onto his palm, he pulled his hand away and slowly inserted a finger into Roxas.

"Th-that feels really weird." Axel heard Roxas strained voice and smirked.

"Don't worry, it gets better." He reassured. He curled and uncurled the finger, waiting till he felt the boy loosen a bit and then inserted a second finger. He felt fingers pull on his hair as his fingers moved inside Roxas, making scissoring motions, he heard the boy whimper softly and the grip in his hair tightened. He moved his other hand to the boy's erection and stroked it slowly. "Does this make it better?" He asked, he felt the grip in his hair loosen slightly. "Good." He added a third finger and continued to scissor them, still stroking Roxas erection. Once he deemed the boy ready he removed his fingers and took off his own boxers. He pressed his erection against Roxas.

"Axel, please." The boy whined, he was tired of waiting, he thrust his hips against Axel and moaned. "Please.." He whispered again. Axel slowly entered Roxas, making sure not to hurt him, when he was all the way in he waited for Roxas to get adjusted. "Move." He heard the wavering voice and complied, he started out with slow thrusts, letting Roxas get used to the pace.

"God Roxas, you're so tight." Axel moaned out, speeding up a little. Roxas just moaned loudly in response. Axel moved his hand to stroke Roxas erection, his hand moved in time with his own thrusts. Axel went to Roxas neck and bit down, trying to keep himself quiet so he could hear Roxas. Roxas had his fingers threaded into Axel's hair, moaning Axel's name as loud as he could.

"Axel...I'm close." Roxas whispered into the other's ear.

"Me too." Axel moaned in response, his thrusts sped up again, his hand moving faster too. He heard Roxas yell out his name and his walls clenched around him. A wave washed over Axel and he released into the smaller boy. He collapsed onto the bed next to him and pulled Roxas close. "I promised it would get better." The boy just nodded into his chest, clearly too tired to do anything else. Axel chuckled and placed a kiss in the blonde's hair. "Good night Roxas."

* * *

"Wait so, you went to the door, and you heard moaning. So...AXEL AND ROXAS WERE HAVING SEX!?" Demyx yelled into the living room.

"Demyx be quiet!" Zexion scolded, hitting the other with his lexicon.

"It's only us left in here, and they probably fell asleep." Ven spoke up from his seat on the floor.

"I can never look him in the face again..." Vanitas spoke up from the couch. His hands were in his hair and Sora was looking over at him worriedly.

"Vani it really wasn't that bad." Sora tried to reason with him.

"If you heard that you wouldn't be able too either! He's our older brother you idiot!" Vanitas snapped at his twin. Ventus just laughed. "You guys are such wimps, not like Sora's still a virgin."

"Hey! You said you wouldn't tell anyone about that!" Sora tackled his brother, throwing punches, Ventus just continued laughing. "You're a liar, maybe I should just tell everyone one of your secrets!" He yelled, he was currently sitting on Ventus stomach.

"You say that like I have any." Ventus spoke from the floor, panting from laughing so hard. Sora whispered something into his ear and his face reddened considerably. "Y-you..How do you know that?!" He shoved Sora off of him and pinned him down.

"I have my sources." Sora smirked as Ventus glared down at him. The older stood up and walked over to Demyx.

"You watch out for Roxas okay? I have to get back to Terra and Aqua, see you later." He ran out of the room to find his friends.

"Why is he telling Demyx? Isn't he even more irresponsible than Axel?" Sora asked, he was now seated because Vanitas legs on the couch.

"We just say that they're indirectly telling Zexion." Demyx stated. "He usually ends up taking care of all our problems anyway."

"You say that as if it's my job..." Zexion was sprawled across the arm chair, Demyx sitting on the floor in front of him.

"It's your job by default." Demyx lifted his back to rest on Zexion's stomach and flashed him a big smile. Zexion just snorted and looked away his face flushing slightly. "What is it with twins and incest? I mean really, you two are really twins right?" Vanitas and Sora looked over at him with mortified looks.

"Of course we're twins you dumbass!" The answered simultaneously. Sora was in Vanitas lap with his head buried into his neck, Vanitas had his arms wrapped around his brother's waist. "Why would you even suggest-" Sora started. "That we weren't twins?" Vanitas finished, they both had smirks on their faces.

"They're right Dem, you are a dumbass." Zexion stated.

"You aren't supposed to agree with them! And fine, you're twins but why are twins always so affectionate, and sometimes a little creepy?" His eyes were wide in curiosity.

"I don't know, I'm not generally an affectionate person, it just sort of happens with Sora, he's a little like a puppy, constantly in need of attention." Vanitas spoke his head resting in Sora's hair.

"I am not a puppy! And as for the creepy twin thing, it just sort of happens too, we just got so good at it we can speak simultaneously whenever we want now, as for finishing each others sentences, that happens with a lot of other people. Roxas and Ven can do a really creepy twin act, it's creepier than ours, and Vani naturally looks like a creep." Sora explained, there really was no other explanation.

"I'll have to see Ventus and Roxas together sometime then." Zexion sat up from the chair. "But for now I'm going to bed, and yes, that means I'm kicking you out, no get out before I actually have to kick you." He stood up and walked to his room, Demyx in tow.

Vanitas grabbed Sora and left before the brunette could protest. "We've been here all night, you have a mission tomorrow, get your ass to bed." He scolded and walked out with Sora.

"Vanitas, you need to learn how to have fun." Sora playfully punched his brother's arm before running away from the glare he received. "Fine, fine, I'm going." He ran to his room, leaving Vanitas to walk back to his own.

Vanitas looked back towards the room Roxas was in. "Be careful Roxas." He whispered and entered his bedroom.


	10. Chapter 10

_**An: Guys, I'm sorry I suck, like, really, I'm sorry I haven't been updating on Wednesdays, and I don't know, I'm surprised you guys still read my pitiful musings. Well, this chapter mainly focuses on Demyx and Zexion, so I hope you enjoy. By the way, what if I made a tumblr for drabbles and other stories and such? (I'd still post them oh here though too) But do you guys think that'd be a good idea?**_

_****_**An: I don't own anything related to Kingdom Hearts.**

* * *

My head was pounding when I woke up, I have to remind myself never to drink again. I opened my eyes and And I was face to face with Axel chest. I blushed as I remembered everything that happened last night, I can't believe I actually did that, what was I thinking, Ven is probably going to laugh at me for it too, which doesn't help. Axel's head was resting on top of mine, I could feel the vibrations from his faint snoring too, he's not exactly the most graceful sleeper. I could feel his arms wrapped protectively around me, and I reveled in the warmth of his body, well, until I realized we were both naked. I yelled as I launched myself out of bed and onto the floor. Axel abruptly sat up, his eyes shooting open. "Why the hell are we still naked?!" I yelled, quickly covering myself.

"Well, we had sex, you don't generally get up and put on clothes after that..." Axel replied, clearly hungover and angry over being asked such a stupid question. "And don't yell it'll only make our headaches worse." He added, rubbing his temples. My own head was pounding.

"Remind me to not get drunk ever again, god why did Ven even hand me a beer?" I asked, my eye was twitching from my headache. "Do we have painkillers?" I asked, standing up.

"Yea, come on." He almost walked out the door but then grabbed a pair of pants and quickly put them on. "Make sure you have some pants on, and you look cute with real after sex hair." He smirked and walked out the door. I shoved on a pair of pants.

"I'm not cute!" I yelled, wincing after.

"Whatever, just get out here before I drink your coffee." He shouted from the kitchen. I walked out of the room and took my pills and coffee from Axel, I downed the pills and coffee and collapsed on the couch. "Hey Roxas...do you regret last night?" Axel asked me, his voice was quiet, but I could still hear the worry in it. Sure my lower back hurt, and my head hurt, but it wasn't a bad night, I'd have to say it was a pretty good night actually. Okay, scratch that, it was a fantastic night.

"I don't regret anything that happened last night, well maybe the actually getting drunk part, but no, I don't regret anything." I replied softly. I heard Axel's feet shuffling on the wood floor, and he lifted me over his shoulder. "Hey wa-" He cut me off and put me down, he then proceeded to sit down on the couch and yanked me down so I was between his legs. He moved his head so his chin was in my hair, his arms were around my waist, his legs crossed so I could sit on top of them.

"I'm glad." He buried his face in my hair. "Your hair smells good." His voice was muffled.

"Glad to know you like the smell of after sex hair." I deadpanned. Axel laughed and I smiled. I heard a groan and I saw Demyx skip out of his room, Zexion shuffling behind him.

"Axel make sure you be nice to Roxas and treat him like the handsome prince he is okay? Ventus told me to watch out for him!" Demyx called from the kitchen. I could feel a blush rise in my cheeks.

"He indirectly told Zexion you mean? And don't worry, I'll take good care of my little chocobo." He kissed my head and I could feel my face burning.

"I'm not a prince...And since when did you decide to use weird nicknames, Cloud looks more like a chocobo than I do." I mumbled. Axel and Demyx just laughed. A knife landed in the couch next to Axel's knee.

"Quit teasing him and let him make breakfast, I'm tired, and I haven't had coffee yet." Zexion growled from the kitchen. I fought against Axel's arms so I could make breakfast, but my efforts were useless, he picked me up and carried me to the kitchen.

"I'm fully capable of walking." I deadpanned.

"I know, I just like to carry you." I sighed at his response and pulled out a pan.

"I'm going to make omelettes, write down what you want in it and I'll make it." I reached into the fridge and pulled out eight eggs, the cheese, some vegetables, the bacon, and the ham. "If you want toast, make it yourself." I pulled out the milk and began to whisk two of the eggs and some of the milk together. Three pieces of paper were put next to me and I started on breakfast.

* * *

"Dude, you should just like be the chef for the company!" Demyx spoke with a mouthful of food.

"Demyx don't talk with your mouth full, it's rude." Zexion jabbed his elbow into Demyx's side, causing the boy to squeak.

"But it's so good." He replied, receiving another jab from the slate haired boy next to him. "Come on you have to admit it's good!" He poked Zexion just to prove his point.

"I never said it wasn't good, in fact this meal is quite excellent, I was merely stating that you shouldn't talk with your mouth full." He slapped the offending hand away and returned to his omelette and coffee.

"You two argue like an old married couple." Axel stating, waving his fork at the both of them. Demyx blushed and Zexion's eyes widened.

"We do not!" They screamed simultaneously. Axel and I just laughed.

"You guys totally do, you argue over stupid things, and you argue constantly." I replied through my laughter. Zexion put a hand over his eyes and sighed, Demyx was still blushing his mouth opening and then closing over and over again like a fish. The blushing boy stood up, put his empty plate on the counter and left.

"D-Demyx? Were are you going?" Zexion asked.

"Out." Was all he said before he left through one of the portals. Zexion had an arm outstretched towards the portal.

"Zexion?" I asked, he looked terrified.

"He...left..." Zexion stood up and opened a portal and ran through it.

"Axel? What just happened?" I looked up to the redhead behind me. "Zexion looked...horrified."

"Zexion has abandonment issues, he's closest to Demyx and I forgot that Demyx doesn't like marriage to be brought up in a conversation." Axel had a very serious look on his face. I looked down at my lap. "They'll be okay." Axel ruffled my hair and stood up to clear the table.

"How do you know?" I asked. I didn't know the reason behind either of their actions, this was actually the first time I'd seen a hint of emotion on Zexion's face, and it was the first time I'd seen Demyx with nothing to say.

"They're both strong, but they don't realize that they need each other." He said simply. "Demyx wants to care for someone, and not make the same mistakes people in his past did. Zexion wants to feel loved, but at the same time he's afraid to let people in because he doesn't want to hurt them." I nodded.

"But what happened to them to make them like that." Axel visibly stiffened.

"It's not my place to tell you things like that, they'll tell you when they're ready to." He wiped his hands after he finished washing the last plate. He walked over and placed a kiss on my forehead. "They'll be fine, you need to stop worrying so much." He was right, I did worry too much.

"If you say so." I picked up my coffee cup and we sat down on the couch, Axel said we were going to watch movies all day.

* * *

Zexion ran frantically through the city, Demyx had to be somewhere, he had already checked the ruins of the lab, the closed down amusement park, and their favorite cafe, he was nowhere to be found. He was dodging through the crowds of people on the street, trying not to attract the attention of another assassin or group of them. Zexion's eyes scanned the crowd for a black coat or the crazy hair that belonged to Demyx, he even listened for his dumb laugh.

_He couldn't have gone far, he never goes farther than downtown. Maybe he's in the square, I know there's a large fountain there._

Zexion weaved his way through the mass of people and into a back alley that lead to the square. Zexion was panting by the time he reached the square.

_I haven't does this much exercise since my physical a few months ago. Demyx isn't here either, where did he_ go?

Zexion walked over to the fountain and sat down on one of the benches, trying to get his breathing under contro

_Axel should have known better than to bring up marriage. Relationships in general are a hard topic to talk about with Demyx near._

Once he had his breathing under control he looked around, there wasn't even a trace of his friend. He sighed in defeat and stood up.

_Might as well check our favorite cafe again._

Zexion turned down onto the main street and walked until he reached the little corner cafe he always went to with Demyx, it smelled like fresh coffee and pastries. He took a seat in their favorite booth in the window. The waitress brought him what he always orders, some toast and orange marmalade, and coffee with two spoonfuls of sugar and a little cream. He stirred his spoon in the coffee and looked out the window, he hadn't even touched his toast. His head was buried into his arms on the table, he didn't notice Demyx slip into the seat across from him.

"I'm sorry for leaving earlier..." Demyx spoke softly. Zexion's head shot up in surprise.

"It's okay...I was just, worried? I think that's the correct word for it, I'm not really sure anymore." Zexion spoke his eyes downcast.

Demyx gave an empty laugh. "I don't think we're ever sure. I just...I though Axel would know better, it's hard enough seeing everyone else with someone they love, but I don't know if they all actually love each other, you know? Relationships are something I'll never understand, not after what my father did to my mother, especially concerning Seifer, Namine and me." His words were barely audible.

"I've never felt love before, not towards my parents, not towards anyone really." Zexion absentmindedly rubbed his wrists. "I was abused when I was little, my parents shoved me, they beat me, sometimes with sticks and belts, even baseball bats, anything they could find. I kept quiet most of the time, even in school, I was silent unless I was spoken to by the teacher, I ignored all the other kids, my parents pretended to be loving when they had to take me places, but when we got home they'd call me an abomination, tell me I'm worthless, they'd starve me for days, they left me on the side of the road multiple times and told me to rot with the carcasses of dead animals. I'm a lot smarter than the average human being, I figured if I learned enough I could find out why my parents hated me, why I'm worthless, why I'm a failure, why I can't feel anything."

Zexion's eyes were hollow as he spoke, for the first time Demyx saw how frail his friend really was, on the outside he seemed so strong, so smart and mysterious, but he was really a terrified and frail boy. Demyx finally saw the scars on his friends body, and the dark emptiness in his eyes. "I killed my own parents Demyx." Zexion had adopted a monotone voice, the same one he spoke in when they had first met. Demyx looked up at his friend. "I killed them, the first time my powers were awakened, my father had grabbed me by the next and threw me against the wall, I was fifteen, I his my head on the kitchen counter, and that;s when it happened. It felt like my skull was going to crack in half, and a pulse radiated from me, crushing all the bones and organs in my parent's bodies, the next thing I remember I was here, being awoken by Cloud and Leon." He was shaking when he finished.

"Parents kinda suck don't they?" Demyx sighed. "I suppose I owe you my story now huh? Well, my dad was Vexen, I never learned my mother's name, but she had long blonde hair and was beautiful like Nami. My parents never got a long, they fought constantly, when they decided to get a divorce, my father blackmailed my mother in order to get custody over the three of us. As it turned out, we were just going to be experiments, he treated us like dirt, I tried my best to protect Namine, Seifer managed to escape after Vexen unlocked these powers within us, he ran, leaving us to protect ourselves. He experimented on us, tried to make clones, he attempted to dispose of us and that's when Xemnas found us and brought us back, and we found Seifer again, they didn't catch Vexen till after Cloud and his family showed up. I've been there since I was twelve, Namine was seven at the time, and Seifer was fifteen." Demyx finished.

"I think my favorite day was when they said I'd get a partner, and it turned out to be you, you were quiet and had on that stony exterior, but I knew someone special was hiding underneath it. Leon always told me I had a special talent for bringing out the best in people, so I decided to bring out the best in you. It took weeks to get you to even talk to me, but I felt so accomplished that day, I felt like I finally cracked through to you, and I remember the first time I saw your lips curl into a small smile, I think that was the happiest moment of my life, I never imagined I'd actually have someone I wanted to see smile everyday, that I wanted to see be happy and be all they could be, I never thought I'd let myself care enough about anyone that way, but I did, and I don't regret it." Zexion stared at his friend in awe, Demyx wanted him cared about him, he felt tears well up in his eyes.

"I never thought...I never thought someone would care about me, I was treated like trash my entire life, I don't even care about myself, I only got up every morning because you told me to, I only ate because you made me breakfast or took me here every morning, I never thought anything of it, I did my job, and nothing more, I felt safe around you though, you never hurt me, through words or actions, I felt like I could trust you, so I allowed myself to talk to you, I never knew it would extend beyond simple companionship. I allowed myself to get closer to you, that was my first actual smile, I never smiled when I was little, not once. That was the first time I felt anything close to what they describe as happiness, for the majority of my life I was void of feeling, until I met you. I'd get all these crazy feelings in my chest, I felt like I was soaring sometimes, and others I felt so low, it was weird and I didn't understand it, but I thought it was okay because I was with you." Tears were falling down his cheeks and into his coffee. "I never thought I'd feel important to anyone, I owe you everything." His body was shaking now, his sentences chopped by the sobs that wracked through his body, Demyx crawled into the seat next to him and pulled him close.

"You don't owe me anything, as long as you let me see the real you, that's all I'll ever need." He whispered into the smaller's ear, he summoned a portal and pulled Zexion through, he sat him down on the bed in their room. "You okay?" He asked.

Zexion nodded, wiping his eyes. "You sure?" Demyx pressed.

Zexion launched himself at Demyx, his arms wrapping around his neck. Demyx welcomed the embrace with a small laugh.

"I don't know what this feeling is, but I think it's happiness." Zexion's voice was muffled by Demyx's jacket. "I feel like my heart is going to explode and my stomach feels the need to empty it's contents into the toilet bowl." Demyx blushed.

"Uhh, that's a little like happiness, well, it's more of an attraction to someone when you feel like that." Demyx tried to find the words to explain the subject to Zexion. He felt his friend stiffen and remove himself from the hug.

"So you're saying that based on what I just told you, I'm attracted to you?" His calculating eyes moved to study Demyx.

"Well...generally that's what happens when you feel at-attracted to someone." Demyx stuttered slightly under the stare.

"I'm assuming you know this based on experience, who was it then?" Demyx's eyes widened at the question and a blush spread across his face.

"I uh, well you see, it was kinda of umm..." He trailed off, he saw Zexion's eyes widen and his cheeks darken.

"Me? You like me?" He asked in shock.

"Well...yea..." Demyx breathed out, he had closed his eyes, too afraid to see his best friend's expression. He gasped softly as he felt Zexion gently grab his hand.

"I'm not really sure how any of this works...but I'd be willing to learn if you'd be willing to teach me." Demyx opened his eyes and saw Zexion's scrunched up face, he couldn't help but laugh.

"Zexy, you're nervous over nothing, of course I'm gonna say yes, I'm not that much of an idiot." He had a wide smile on his face as he gripped Zexion's hand. An awkward smile showed on Zexion's face, a few of his pearly white teeth were showing through. "I suppose we should go tell Axel and Roxas that we're back." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Yea, I suppose we should." Zexion opened the door and walked out into the living room and motioned for Demyx to follow him. "They fell asleep on the couch." He pointed to their topic of conversation. Axel had his legs up on the coffee table, his head was thrown back on the couch and he was snoring. Roxas had his head in Axel's lap, the rest of his body sprawled over the couch.

"Well, at least it's better than the alternative..." Demyx pointed out.

"You're right from that aspect, should we just go to bed and wait for them to get up in the morning?" Zexion asked walking back into his shared room.

"Yea, that seems like a good idea. And now I have an excuse to cuddle you, makes it that much better." The boy proudly marched into their room, Zexion followed behind, closing the door for a soft click. Perhaps they didn't need to share everything just yet.


	11. Chapter 11

_**An: I know this one is kinda short but I've been so busy lately, we had State Festival for marching band yesterday (got Superior whoop whoop) So this was all I had time to write, I apologize, and I promise I'll have more time and longer chapters in the future!**_

_****_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Kingdom Hearts.**

* * *

"Vanitas it's been three months." I snorted, like I didn't know it had been that long, who cares anyway, it's none of their business. "Don't just frown and glare at me, I'm worried about you! You're my twin..." I looked over at Sora, his big blue eyes swimming with worry and pity. I growled and looked away, I was tired of seeing that look, I got that enough when I first got here, I don't want to see it anymore.

"You don't have to worry about me, I'm fine okay?" I bit out.

"They said he's been classified as MIA, they think he's dead, you can't be okay, I know how close you were to him!" Sora was pleading now.

"You think I don't know that? Just, just leave me alone Sora, I'm much better off alone anyway." I scolded my brother, I could feel his eyes bore into my back, I scrunched my eyes shut and stormed off. I opened my eyes when I bumped into someone. I looked up and saw Cloud. "Hey..." I whispered.

"Hey." He responded, his voice was naturally soft, he was looking at me with glowing blue eyes, one of the side effects from the experiments. "You're upset about something." I squirmed under his gaze, I'd never been able to say no to him, I closer to Cloud than my own twin. I felt him grab my arm and drag me away. "Leon, cancel my brother's mission today." He spoke as he walked by the brown haired man, I saw him nod before crossing my name off the clipboard. I felt myself get thrown onto a bed. "Talk." Was all Cloud said. I shook my head, there was nothing to talk about. "I can see you're going to be difficult." His soft voice filled with annoyance. I could tell he was irritated with me. "I'm not letting you leave until you tell me what's wrong." I sighed and looked at him.

"Fine. I'm upset because...They think Vincent is dead, it's been three months since he left, I know he promised he'd find out everything, why we were chosen, what really happened to mom and dad, and the long term results of the experiments, but I never expected him to be gone so long." My voice wavered as I spoke, I had never been good when talking about my feelings, it was barely above a whisper when I finished. I could feel Cloud's eyes on me, he looked cold and calculating on the outside, but he was really just a big teddy bear. I saw his face scrunch up as he thought.

"I understand that things may be hard, but Vincent will come back, it's just one of the mandatory things we do when someone has been gone for so long, I know you miss him, and that you want to know the story behind everything that happened to us, we all do, Roxas is the one furthest out of the loop, I still find him wandering the halls at night with a blank expression on his face, but eventually we'll know, and when Vincent comes back things will be okay." Cloud finished, a small smile was on his face as he watched me, I couldn't help but give him a smile in return.

"I guess you're right." I responded after a few moments.

"Have you ever thought about dying your hair back, and wearing contacts to look like you used to?" Cloud asked as I stood up to leave, I looked in the mirror of the room, at my jet black hair and my golden eyes, they were side affects to the experiments, and overdose of one of the chemicals. I used to look just like Sora, we were identical, we were never as close as Roxas and Ventus, but still close, and sure we cuddle and do weird brotherly things, but he's so much more energetic and happy than I ever was, even Roxas was happier than me.

"I don't want to, everything that happened, it's a part of me now, and moving on is part of accepting everything that's happened. The whole thing changed all of us, and even though Roxas doesn't know everything yet, he's changed too, from that one small memory he has of Vexen, it changed something in him, you're a lot calmer than you were before it, Sora is more optimistic about everything, and Ventus, well..." I paused in thought before continuing. "He never gives up, no matter how hard it is. I guess I'm different too, and not just in appearance, I'm a little more timid than before, I'm still afraid of the monthly examinations, and it's been weeks since I even picked up a paintbrush, but I guess I have to accept that I'm not ready to go back to it." My eyes were closed when I finished. "Can I go now, I want to be alone for awhile." I spoke staring longingly at the door.

I heard Cloud sigh from behind me. "You can go." Was all I heard before running out the door.

* * *

I sighed contentedly, sitting in Axel's lap while drinking hot chocolate and watching movies, it may only be the beginning of November but it's getting colder at night now, I couldn't believe I'd been here a few months already, it seemed to go by so fast, it was kinda crazy really, they all welcomed me with open arms, for once I felt like I belonged somewhere. In the past few weeks I had remembered the first two years of high school, but it all cut off before junior year started, and it was sudden too, it was confusing, and not even Zexion can bring any memories back, it's all just static, I can feel things, like pain and sorrow, but there's no images to go with them. My eyebrows scrunched up in thought, it bothered me that I couldn't remember, I knew something bad happened to my parents, I know they were killed, but I don't know how, or why, or any of it, because I can't remember, I know that anytime it's brought up Cloud glares and mumbles a name, but I don't know who they are.

"Rox are you okay?" Axel's soft voice invaded my thoughts, and I looked up, his eyes were filled with concern.

"I'm fine, just thinking is all." I responded quietly, leaning into his chest. I smiled softly as I felt his arms tighten around my waist.

"Don't worry too much about things, memories will come in time." I sighed, he could always tell what I was thinking, it was a little creepy sometimes, but I need it most of the time.

"I can't help it. I just can't, it's always on my mind, all of these questions left unanswered, it's just so frustrating." I felt Axel place a kiss on my head.

"I know it's frustrating, but you can't rush through everything, you have to sit back and wait sometimes." I shook my head.

"But I don't want to wait, I've waited for months, I'm not even able to harness the power of light, I have to conquer the darkness inside myself first, but I can't do that till I know everything, two whole years of my life are missing, I know that's better than all eighteen, but still." I broke free from Axel and walked into the kitchen. I could hear his footsteps as he followed me.

"Roxas, those memories aren't anything but painful, and you know it...Sometimes it's better not to remember." I glared at him.

"You think this is better, I feel empty Axel, empty. I don't know how my parents died, and when I think they died I don't even feel anything, I don't feel sad or guilty, nothing. I don't feel happy when I see you or my family, or anyone for that matter, I don't know the reason I'm here, I don't know anything. It's selfish to think that I'm better without knowing what happened in those two years." I saw Axel return my glare.

"Do you think it's any easier seeing you like this, I never know when you're going to snap, I know you wander the halls at night because you can't sleep, and I see the dead look in your eyes. I don't know how to help, but I'm trying as hard as I fucking can to make it easier for you." I growled and looked away.

"It's not like it's easy having everyone constantly ask if you're okay, it makes me feel useless, but only because I am useless. Axel, I'm just a burden on everyone here, it would have been easier if you just left me on the street to figure everything out alone." My gaze had softened, and I could feel tears pricking at my eyes.

"Roxas, don't say that! You're important to all of us!" Axel was pleading with me now. I shook my head.

"Am I actually important to you? I know the only reason you were sent to get me was because Leon and Xemnas need to find out about the whole accident, I know Vexen was part of this group! You can't keep secrets from me, I found things when I was wandering the castle, I found old records and books, I knwo that you planned the experiments, and that my family was watched by all of you, I know that if things went wrong that a team would be dispatched to kill us, and it was your team, you would have killed me, you may still have to, I don't know what your orders are anymore." I glared at Axel again, his body stiffened.

"You aren't supposed to know any of this, Roxas you can't tell your brothers about this, you have to promise me you won't." Axel's hands were twitching now.

"And if I do, you'll kill me right? I knew that the only reason you pretended to get close to me was so I'd be even more heartbroken when you killed me. I know you don't really care, you even said so yourself, being a killer changes you." He stared at me mortified.

"That's not true! I care about you, I really do, those books just fed you lies!" He was in hysterics now.

"They weren't lies, you even admitted it a few moments ago!" My breath was coming out in short pants as I cried. "You don't care, you never did! I'm just a pawn for you to use to get what you want, that's all I've ever been, even before now!" My entire body shook, I couldn't tell what emotion it was from though.

"Is that what you really think? You really think that you're just a pawn? If so then leave! See if I care, I apparently never loved you anyway!" Axel was screaming now.

"Fine, I will leave! I'll find out everything myself, I'll find out who I am, I won't be a pawn for anyone!" I yelled back at him, I could just see masses of color now through my tears. I summoned a portal and ran through it, I didn't know where it would take me but anywhere was better than here.

"Dammit!" Axel yelled, punching the counter. He really left.


	12. Chapter 12

_**An: Guys, I'm so so sorry I haven't updated, I've had so little time lately and I know these are just excuses and such, but I really haven't, I'll try to update this soon, but I have a little teaser for you, or something like that, so again I'm sorry, and please don't kill me...**_

_****_**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts**

* * *

"So you just let him leave? You didn't even try to stop him?" Leon's cold and angry voice filled the room. Axel shrank back into his chair.

"It's not like he would have let me stop him!" Axel's voice was failing him, he was trying to be assertive and confident but the anger in his leader's eyes didn't allow it.

"Do you know what he could do if he spread information like that? He could put an end to this organization and our plans would be ruined." Xemnas deep voice broke the silence. "You'd better pray that he doesn't tell his brother's about this, Cloud has enough power to put a stop to all of us, he just hasn't unlocked it yet." Axel cringed while awaiting his orders. "Axel, if you can't manage to get Roxas back under the circumstances that he stays quiet, you have been ordered to terminate him."


End file.
